


Reap what you sow.

by DazeDays243



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angry Clarke, Angst, Death, F/F, Injured Clarke, It's Not Paranoia If They're Really Out To Get You, Memory Loss, Mild Gore, Post-Episode: s02e16 Blood Must Have Blood Part II, Slow Burn Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Trust Issues, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-17
Updated: 2016-09-07
Packaged: 2018-04-21 04:47:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 24,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4815614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DazeDays243/pseuds/DazeDays243
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post 2x16. Lexa grows restless as the winter months approach. Her efforts to reconcile with the sky people fail and her people are whispering behind her back. Lexa wastes no time leaving camp to track her missing warriors, will she find more than she bargained for? please comment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A rude awakening

Winter was beginning to bite. Lexa had not noticed the looming change in season until she woke one morning with a thin layer of ice over her water from the previous evening. There had been mumblings of concern for a few weeks before but Lexa had been too wrapped up in her own thoughts. In all honesty Lexa was happy for the distraction, only Indra had noticed her restless pacing and distant demeanour although she had not dared to question her upon it.  
On this particular morning Lexa was running late. She lay amongst her furs listening to the morning noises of men and women readying breakfast and relieving the night watch. She knew she should rise herself but as always her mind wondered to the night of the mountain.  
It was not until the following day as she was still caught up in caring for the returned prisoners that news reached her of Clarke’s bravery in the mountain. The mountain had fallen and Lexa had not been there. It was not until this moment Lexa had realised the magnitude of what she had done. Her people were quiet about it but she knew they whispered in criticism of her decisions.  
Lexa was drawn from her thoughts by Indra calling after her from the entrance to her tent. She barked a response before hauling herself from bed, immediately regretting the decision as her bare feet touched the freezing ground. Lexa threw on her clothes, careful not to forget her pauldron. Although danger was not imminent, Lexa always felt uneasy camped in the forest especially considering the unrest in her ranks. She took her usual seat and began absentmindedly fiddling with her knife. Indra was waiting patiently in the entrance, her expression as severe as usual; Lexa could not decide if she brought good or bad news.  
“Shish op Indra”, Lexa took a large swig of wine to try and warm the chill that had sent throughout her body in during the night.  
“Heda, the Sky people would still not speak with me”, Lexa was not surprised. After her betrayal of their alliance she had not expected her attempts to resurrect it to fall on persuasive ears. But winter was coming and she feared the sky people would not cope well. She regretted sending Indra, although she was her most trusted general she was not the most diplomatic of Trikru.  
“Any news of Clarke?”, Lexa did not have to look up to see Indras feet shuffle in annoyance. As there was no immediate answer, Lexa focused on Indra for the first time.  
“No Heda”, Indra placed a hand on her sword and her expression grew darker; something that Lexa did not believe was possible.  
“What is it Indra?”, Lexa placed her knife away trying to conceal the fact she had knicked her finger as the blood dripped slowly. She stood allowing her long coat to fall behind her and adjusting the position of her pauldron. Mirroring Indra, she placed her hand on her scabbard waiting for the obviously imminent bad news.  
“The scouting party you sent west, they were meant to return last night. There has been no sight of them?”, Lexa had been waiting for an excuse like this for weeks, she needed to get out of this tent and draw the forest into her lungs once more in hopes of banishing her troubled thoughts and before the death of winter took hold. Without thinking Lexa headed for her chest, sheathing blade after blade in her clothes hidden pockets and retrieving her fur cloak. Indra had not moved or spoke until she understood Lexa’s actions. “Heda, it would be unwise for you to leave camp”.  
Lexa had so far been able to hide her short temper but Indra had not timed her advice well. “Why? Because my warriors are questioning my leadership? Whispering behind my back? I am aware Indra. Whilst I am away I trust that you will deal with any traitor as our tradition dictates”. Lexa swept past her, decision made. She stalked through camp, Indra drawing in behind her. Lexa busied herself preparing a horse for travel. Indra remained by her side. Lexa could see her warriors looking on. “Indra I will take three warriors with me. I leave before noon”, Indra nodded quickly before busying herself calling out names for the commander.  
It was not long after breakfast that Lexa was waiting at the edge of camp, growing restless. Her warriors were finally ready and without a word she headed west. They had only been riding half a day when they came across the first signs of a camp. Lexa dismounted quickly and gracefully, securing her horse with her warrior. A quick glance over the possessions confirmed her suspicions. Lexa drew her sword. Something had caught her eye in the bushes. She ventured closer. At first it appeared to be rags, maybe some discarded clothes. It wasn’t until she reached the bush she noticed the blood, smelt it in the air as four bloodied and broken fingers protruded out. Pulling back the branches, years of war had prepared her for what was before her but she was still shaken. Her warriors had returned from scouting the area and were lingering behind her. The hand was severed above the wrist, whatever had done this had cut through cloth and bone. There was no blood trail. Lexa turned to her warriors about to tell them to search the area again before a flash of black in the corner of her eye caught her attention.  
Lexa was running before she had chance to process her actions. The Black flash appeared to be a person. Sprinting through the trees, tripping and stumbling without stopping. Lexa grew more and more angry the longer she carried on her pursuit. She knew she should wait for her warriors but the three heavy breathing men behind her were slow and noisy. The figure was slowing; Lexa could hear the distant rush of water. They were nearing a stream. The figure stopped abruptly crouching at the water’s edge clearly exhausted by the chase as their chest heaved with laboured breaths. Lexa remained out of sight, circling. The figure was busy quenching their thirst unaware of her presence so Lexa decided to risk it. She snuck out from the bushes drawing her sword and preparing to pounce. Her stance changed her sword raised and ready. She moved slowly, trying to lessen the sound of crunching gravel beneath her feet.  
“Jus drein jus daun, ripa!”, the figure stilled and Lexa held her breath waiting for the figure to react. With a roar the person turned, launching themselves at Lexa catching her off-guard and sending her sword flying. Lexa quickly countered, throwing blow after blow against the person on top of her. They faltered allowing lexa to kick them off. Lexa could taste her own blood; wiping away the smear running from her lip she regained her composure. Observing the figure before her, Lexa noted the rags strewn around them; stained with mud and blood. The hair was long and caked in mud; the colour discernible below the filth, Lexa feels repulsion well up inside her. She lands a swift kick to the figures ribs followed quickly by another and another. The figure cries out again, first in pain and then rage as they stagger towards Lexa arms outstretched. Lexa is ready, quickly avoiding their onslaught whilst slicing upwards with her knife. From the resistance she feels from the blade and the yelp of the murderer she knows she has wounded her attacker.  
Catching her breath, Lexa circles the figure. They writhe on their stomach trying to crawl to the water’s edge. Lexa follows, reclaiming her sword to deliver the final fatal blow. The figure heaves their chest into the water struggling to keep their face out of the current. Lexa observes them, noting their small stature and long hair. She approaches, using her boot to push the figure onto their back, she wanted to see into the eyes of the person that dismembered her men as she killed them.  
Within a moment Lexa realised the sight before her. The water of the river had revealed flecks of yellow hair and Lexa appreciated piercing blue eyes for the first time in months. Lexa dropped her sword with a clatter that startled the figure before her. She was falling to her knees at the figures side as her warriors bumbled through the undergrowth and onto the river bank. They called out her name but she could not hear over the rushing in her ears.  
“Clarke?”.  
\-------------  
Shish op- speak  
Jus drein jus daun, ripa- Blood must have blood, murderer


	2. Surviving the night

The journey back to camp was long and arduous. Her warriors moaned and complained under their breath as Lexa tasked them with restraining and transporting a crazed Clarke. It had not taken long for Clarke to recover from Lexa’s assault; her continued blood loss was evident by the trail she was leaving behind her. One of her warriors had tried to bind the wounds, his brow still bled from the flailing kick he received. Lexa led the pack through the forest, she was on edge and agitated. Every noise sent a chill down her spine. Her quiet reflection had made her realise something; Clarke was not solely responsible for the mysterious disappearance of her men. Lexa paused as her warrior called out to her. Clarke was on her knees, her head and shoulders sinking as she grew weaker.  
“Go ahead and bring my horse”, her men released Clarke letting her fall to the ground. Lexa winced discreetly. Her men were hesitant to move ahead. She knew what was coming before they opened their mouths; she had come to expect descent in recent months.  
“Heda, teik ai frag em op (Commander, let me kill her)”, the warrior drew his sword baring his teeth in anger and turning towards Clarke.  
“Shof op”, Lexa sighed as she failed to hide the concerned quiver in her voice. She could barely hear herself speak.  
“Jus drein jus daun, Heda (Blood must have blood, commander)”, another warrior began to circle Clarke. Lexa realised she was now unconscious, finally succumbing to the blood loss and trauma of Lexa’s attack. The guilt Lexa had been repressing within herself bubbled in her chest like an acid, transforming into an anger that caused her neck to flush and her hand to grip her sword tightly till her knuckles turned white. Lexa scanned her warriors faces with a stare she was sure would strike fear into their hearts. She was right as they avoided her gaze.  
“Em pleni! (Enough!)”, Lexa approached Clarke and her men. She needed to assert herself; remind them she was someone to be feared. Drawing her sword, she crossed the short distance to the man who questioned her first. Placing the very tip of her blade against his neck and applying slight pressure. Never breaking eye contact she watched him try and fail to disguise the discomfort and fear he was experiencing. With a sly smile of triumph Lexa withdrew, dragging Clarke up by the scruff of her jacket in an attempt to rouse her. Lexa waited for what seemed like minutes for a response, Clarke opened her eyes slightly to reveal wide pupils and blood shot eyes. Lexa managed to supress a look of relief. She let her go again, allowing her to fall back to the ground. “Disha honon laik ai frag op! (This prisoner is my kill)”, her warriors nodded regaining their composure and finally following her orders.  
The rest of the journey past without incident and soon enough they reached camp. Lexa had hoped the majority of her people would be asleep but judging by the glow of the fire lighting up the forest canopy and the distant shouting she knew she was going to be disappointed. She rode into camp confidently with her head held high ready to face whatever was waiting for her. The camp was as alive as it was during the day. Men and women were crowded to one side of the fire with their backs to the commander. She could make out Indra and Nyko through the people. She dismounted handing the reigns to her warrior who had transported Clarke on the back of his horse. Someone in the crowd must have spotted her as calls of Heda rang out and the hoard parted, allowing Indra through.  
“What is the meaning of this Indra?”, Lexa could not prevent the uncertainty creeping into her thoughts. Had her people finally acted on their whispers? Indra stalked over.  
“The scouting party returned missing only one of your warriors, Commander. They were badly wounded”, Lexa and Indra turned away from the crowd; hoping to find some quiet.  
“Have they revealed who attacked them?”, Lexa prayed Indra had an answer she wanted to hear. An answer that did not involve Clarke.  
“They spoke in riddles. Of men with guns and swords. Half Trikru half mountain men”, Indra appeared worried. Something had caught her attention. Lexa knew she would not react well to their new prisoner. “The Sky commander? Is she responsible for this attack?”, Indra began her march towards Clarke who was being unceremoniously dragged from a horse to land on her back in the dead leaves and mud. Her people cheered, she realised they had figured out Clarke had been found at the scene of the crime. They grew restless. Lexa was starting to panic; unable to think of a way to diffuse the situation without damaging her reputation. Indra was looking to her for information, her sword drawn and her stance hostile. Luckily, Clarke had given her the opportunity for further contemplation as she staggered to her feet roaring with rage and making for the nearest body. Lexa could not step in. She had to watch as her warriors restrained Clarke, beating her into a daze and binding her hands and feet tightly. There was only one solution. Lexa could only hope her people listened.  
“Place the prisoner under shelter, keep her hands and feet bound”, as expected there was an outcry from the crowd. They wanted blood; it was their way after all. Lexa raised a hand to quieten the mob. All but a few hushed quickly. She would remember the faces of those men who were too slow to stop their jeering. “I must question Clarke of the Sky people to find out what happened to our friends”. Her warrior from the forest dragged Clarke to her temporary home. She was not going quietly although the beating she had taken seemed to have weakened her, Lexa ignored Indra’s questioning as she watched Clarke unable to stand on her own feet or raise her arms to defend herself. Lexa headed for her tent, it had been a long day and Clarke was finally safe from prying eyes and vengeful grasps. Indra had given up; she stormed off in search of her own bed. Lexa had a feeling they were not through with their discussion. Nyko was waiting for Lexa at the doorway of her tent. She knew he would understand her need to find out the truth, he had known Clarke before the mountain.  
“Nyko, I injured Clarke during her capture. Tend to her wounds”, Lexa did not pause to make idle conversation. She was exhausted. Within minutes Lexa had shrugged off her armour and muddy boots. She kept her knife close as she climbed into her furs, relishing the warmth and comfort they provided. Her mind briefly shifted to Clarke, her reappearance provided no answers; only more questions. With troubled thoughts Lexa managed to drift off into a restless sleep, comforted in some ways by the hushed moans of Clarke a few tents down. 

Dawn was breaking when Lexa was jolted awake by a blood curdling scream that did not seem to end. She knew the source of the racket immediately. Quickly pulling on her boots and fur cloak she almost stumbled from her tent. Some of her people had been woken much like herself as they now loitered around the spent fire rubbing their eyes and drowsily bowing their heads in respect of their commander. Lexa approached the tent, movement was evident inside and the shouting grew louder. Clarke’s screams now accompanied by the short commands of Nyko. Lexa swept into the tent without hesitation. Five men were holding Clarke down with great difficulty as Nyko was trying to clean the wound to her side. The same feeling of panic she felt the previous night reappeared in the edges of her mind. Clarke was feral, scratching and lashing out. Her men were weary, some sported fat lips and deep scratches to their face and arms. They would hurt Clarke before she tired from her struggle. Lexa took action, rounding the tent and crouching beside Clarkes head. Her eyes were wide with anger but there was not a single hint of recognition there. If Lexa had not known better she would have sworn she had seen this behaviour before. Without hesitation Lexa struck Clarke with precision and speed, effortlessly knocking her unconscious. Her warriors all exhaled in relief, releasing their grip and standing to catch their breath.  
“Out!”, Lexa did not stand or look up to deliver her order. Her men were probably glad for the excuse to leave and return to bed. A single guard remained outside leaving her and Nyko alone with Clarke.  
“I am sorry commander. Clarke is not herself”, Nyko continued to busy himself with her wounds.  
“Is it guilt that has done this to her? Driven her mad?”, Lexa let her guard down for the first time. Her concern was now plastered all over her face for Nyko to see.  
“I do not know Commander”, He looked up but did not show he had seen the evidence of her desperation. Lexa dipped a scrap of cloth in water, using it to begin cleaning the blood and grime from Clarke’s face. She was sure she did this more for herself than for Clarke’s well-being but she could not allow her hands to remain idle. The minutes passed silently as the two of them worked to fix up Clarke. Lexa’s hand stilled when she felt something beneath the rag; a small bump in the skin became visible as she cleansed the skin of Clarke’s neck. Her heart sank and Lexa found it hard to take in air as the realisation dawned on her. She was right in her suspicions; she had seen this behaviour before many times. But for three months she had allowed herself to forget. Clarke had been injected with the reaper drug that had nearly destroyed Lincoln. Lexa was disturbed by the relief she felt at this discovery. Clarke was not responsible for her actions; she could be forgiven and spared by Lexa and her people. If she survived the coming days.  
Lexa left the tent; the sun was blazing between the trees leaving white spots bouncing in Lexa’s eyes. She felt light-headed. The Commander in her knew she should use this opportunity to resurrect an alliance. The person in her feared she would never get to see the real Clarke again. Either way one thing was certain. She would be returning to Camp Jaha today.


	3. A not so warm welcome

Abby suppressed a cough as she gulped down Monty’s moonshine with a quiet determination. This was her last ditch attempt to get a good night sleep. It had been 52 days since Clarke had left without an explanation or a goodbye. The first week was the hardest, constantly standing watch, eyes focused on the tree line for any sign of her daughter. After that Abby realised she was neglecting her duties, her people were looking to her now in Clarke’s absence and not for a second did she consider handing over the Chancellors pin to Marcus. Even though her days grew busier her nights were plagued with insomnia. She lay staring at the ceiling for most of the night listening for any sign of an arrival or news from the forest.  
Tonight was no different; she lay there waiting in silence and darkness as usual. The changing of the watch had spurred her to rise. The kids from the mountain were still awake, hanging around the mess as they did every night enjoying their freedom; most of them had already seemed to have forgotten who they had to thank for their escape from the mountain. A few hours had passed since then and the crowd had dissipated, leaving Abby with her thoughts and the cup of not so soothing liquid before her.  
She did not hear Marcus approaching until he was sitting in the chair opposite her. The night was nearing freezing now as he pulled his jacket tight around him, taking the liberty of pouring himself a cup of moonshine.  
“Still no luck sleeping?”, Abby almost laughed at him; what was his first clue? She simply nodded and downed the last inch from her cup before rising. She was in no mood to listen to Marcus tell her the same thing he had nearly every day since Clarke had left. She did not want to be reassured or comforted. She just wanted sleep.  
“Goodnight Marcus”, she turned to leave. Marcus was also standing behind her; she could hear the chair scraping on the frozen ground.  
“Abby wait, maybe we should talk about…”, Marcus stopped abruptly stuttering at the last second. Abby reluctantly turned following his gaze over the perimeter fence to the tiny glare of a fire that had appeared through the trees. She couldn't suppress a sigh.  
“I am going to bed Marcus; I am not in the mood to deal with Indra’s insincere talk of building trust and alliances again. If she comes, send her away”, Abby shuffled off leaving Marcus alone.  
Lexa arrived at the clearing first. She busied herself creating a fire. Her attendant rustled about behind her, preparing a tent. They did not speak; he had gone through these processes countless times. The fire was blazing quickly, giving Lexa the opportunity to observe her surroundings in the low orange light. Her other warriors were arriving, followed closely by Clarke who was tied up and bound to the back of a hastily constructed wagon. Lexa could not resist checking on her as she impulsively crossed the short distance. Her warriors had already gone about their business making themselves a bed for the night.  
Clarke was still restless; pulling on the chains with no hope of freeing herself with her frantic but pathetic efforts. Lexa wanted to reach out and comfort her but she was acutely aware of Indra’s presence. Lexa noticed Clarke shivering violently, it could be the withdrawal setting in and their time running out but more likely it was the cold of the night. On closer inspection her lips were thin and blue and Clarke was deathly pale.  
“Tomac!”, the warrior in question quickly appeared before her. Lexa could not repress her rage as she swung at him with precision. He did not fall to the ground as her blow landed but he held his face as blood began to drip from his newly misshapen nose. “This is the woman you have to thank for the return of your brother from the hell of the mountain, show her the respect she deserves”, Lexa forced the words out with vicious intent as he simply nodded and ran to retrieve a fur to cover Clarke's freezing body. Lexa regained her composure, leaving Clarke’s side to consult with her general.  
“I am going to see the leader of the sky people tonight, alone”, Lexa did not pause to hear Indra’s protest although as she was now following her closely, matching her pace, she realised she was going to hear it anyway.  
“Commander, we should wait till morning. I will accompany you along with our men. They are not to be trusted”, Indra was struggling to keep up with Lexa’s hastened gait.  
“By then it might be too late. You remember what happened to Lincoln. We need their help to find out what happened to Clarke and our warrior in the west woods”, Indra seemed satisfied by her response; that or she knew better then to test her commanders resolve. She paused then at the edge of camp leaving Lexa to journey into the darkness alone.  
At first Bellamy had been reluctant to take the early morning watch. He relished the new found responsibility he had been rewarded with on his return from the mountain but the early mornings were not his favourite time of day. In all honesty, he still felt foggy from too much moonshine the previous evening as one drink had turned into six or seven, he had lost count. He was so drowsy; his head bobbed up and down every few minutes as he succumbed to the heaviness of his eyelids.  
The sun was beginning to appear on the horizon, dawn was approaching. Movement in the distance caught his attention. His breath caught in his throat due to a barrier of anger and surprise. It was the one person he least expected to see. His grip on the rifle tightened, the night had just got interesting as the shock banished the remaining alcohol-induced haze from his mind.  
Bellamy raised his gun, the safety was still on but Lexa didn't know that. He watched her pause in uncertainty; she did not look her usual confident, proud self. Something was wrong.  
“Stop there, grounder!”, his shout had already caught the attention of other guards on duty around the camp as they sprinted to his side. Lexa did not stop approaching; she slowed but carried on towards him. Bellamy did not lower his weapon for a second; he knew any sign of weakness could form a lasting impression.  
“I wish to speak to your leader, Abby Griffin”, Lexa did not need to shout as she finally paused no more than five feet from the gate.  
“You are not coming in and she does not wish to be disturbed”, Bellamy was confused. This was the first time he had seen the commander in months. She was alone and now, much to Bellamy’s surprise, removing her sword from her belt and the knife from her hip before tossing them to her feet.  
“Trust me Bellamy Blake. She will want to hear the news I bring” Lexa nodded trying to make him understand her words. Before Bellamy himself had realised, he was heading inside the Ark and knocking at Abby’s door. She answered slowly, pulling on her jacket to combat the cold.  
“What is it?”, she was visibly agitated.  
“It’s not Indra in the forest, it’s the commander. She claims to have news you will want to hear”, he didn't need to say any more as she was already crossing her room to the window.  
Bellamy was right, Lexa stood still at the camp boundary. Abby could make out the billowing clouds of her breath mingling with the cold air. She was calm and patient, not fazed by the five guards with their weapons trained on her. This was new; Lexa had not graced them with her presence since the mountain. What had changed?  
“Clarke…”, Abby barged past Bellamy taking him by surprise. She was down the corridor and out into the camp ground in less than a minute. She knew Lexa had noticed her as she had stood that little bit straighter and the clouds of her appeared at a hastened tempo. Abby paused briefly when she made eye contact with the commander.  
“Open the gate”.  
“But chancellor…”, the guard nearest the lever paused.  
“Now Miller!”, he finally obliged. Abby passed through the gap as soon as it was big enough to allow it. Bellamy was hot on her tail. “Take me to her!”, Lexa did not appear surprised by Abby’s demands. She quickly picked up her weapons before turning slowly and making for the tree line.  
The short journey to camp passed without conversation. Lexa led the way with Abby at her side. Bellamy loitered behind them still grasping his weapon. The fire was becoming brighter and Lexa started to hear a noise on the wind, a noise she had become very familiar with in the last day. Clarke was awake. Abby didn’t speak as she heard it too breaking into jog, Lexa quickly matched her pace.  
Most of her men were asleep, they had earned their rest. Indra paced by the fire and a single guard stood outside the tent that housed Clarke. Abby followed the noise as Lexa offered Indra a nod to reassure her. Bellamy followed Abby to the tent entrance, nearly running into her as she abruptly stopped as the guard blocked her entrance.  
“Abby, I need to warn you. Clarke is not herself”, Lexa tried to prepare Abby for what she would find in the tent. Abby nodded and Lexa gave her guard the order to step aside. The three entered followed closely by Lexa’s warrior. Lexa lingered in the shadows as Abby knelt beside Clarke without saying a word, she raised a hand to her mouth in shock at the state of Clarke’s battered body and crazed demeanour. Bellamy reacted more aggressively, crossing the short distance between him and Lexa.  
“What have you done to her? Tell me?”, Lexa did not know how to answer. Her warrior had moved closer ready to intervene. “Answer me!”, it was now her guard acted as Bellamy reached for Lexa’s cloak. He grabbed Bellamy in turn, attempting to restrain him. The Arker was too quick however, as he countered with a swift right hook followed by a left. Lexa did not make a move to stop the fight at first, still transfixed with Abby trying to soothe Clarke quietly like a mother would a distressed child. Lexa was shaken from her vigil by Bellamy and her guard exiting the tent and falling in the mud outside. This had gone on long enough; she did not want another reason for the Sky people to hate her. She exited the tent, watching the brawl for a moment before seeing Indra by the fire seemingly enjoying the display of her warrior beating a bloodied Bellamy into the ground.  
“Enough!”, the guard stopped his onslaught immediately; standing quickly and attempting to brush the dirt from his tunic.  
“I am sorry commander”, Lexa motioned for him to return to his post as she crossed the camp ground to where Bellamy lay recovering for a moment. She held a hand out for Bellamy, he refused to take it. Instead he clambered to his feet trying to fight the dizziness whilst wiping the blood from the corner of his mouth with his sleeve.  
“Bellamy, please accept my forgiveness. He was acting to protect me”, Bellamy audibly scoffed at her claim. He raised his hand to point and launch himself into another attack before he paused.  
“It’s the reaper drug isn’t it?”, Abby had emerged from the tent. Her eyes appeared wet and her expression grave. Lexa had underestimated the leader of the sky people. She offered a slight nod in response and vaguely heard Bellamy mutter a quiet ‘no’ under his breathe. “I will be taking her back to Camp Jaha right now, withdrawal is already setting in”, Abby returned to the tent. This time Bellamy joined her. Lexa left them too it, returning to her tent followed closely by Indra.  
Lexa heard the sky people take Clarke, she kicked and screamed and Lexa could follow the direction of the noise until it faded into the forest. Minutes passed before Indra spoke.  
“Commander, letting the sky people take her was unwise. We need her to answer our questions. If she is not receptive we will have no way of extracting the information from her if she is under the protection of the sky people”, Lexa dropped her cup of water to the ground. She rounded on Indra, drawing her sword swiftly and pressing it to her neck of her most trusted general.  
“How will we question her if she is dead Indra? I did not take you for a fool”, Indra remained defiant in her expression so Lexa put pressure on the blade breaking the skin in a thin red line. “I will not hesitate to make an example of you Indra”, this caused Indra’s expression to change to that of acceptance. Lexa removed her sword from Indra’s jugular, putting it away and turning to retrieve her water cup from the floor. Indra straightened her armour, ignoring the scratch on her neck.  
“My treason should be punished commander”, Lexa allowed herself to smile out of Indra’s sight. Of course Indra would seek punishment for questioning her commander. It was then that Lexa realised Indra was the one person she could trust absolutely in the dark days ahead. “What will you do now Clarke is returned to her people?”. Indra asked a good question. Lexa did not allow herself false hope ever; this situation would be no different.  
“If Clarke survives we will question her, beyond that I do not know”, Lexa settled into her seat wearily. Her lack of sleep was catching up with her.  
“Then let us pray she survives commander, for all our sakes”, Lexa was already drifting to sleep as Indra left. A few hours of rest wouldn't hurt. Today was a new day after all and Clarke was safe, for the moment at least.


	4. A long night

Lexa managed to get two or three hours sleep before the morning sun woke her. She had not even bothered to undress from the night before. Pulling on her boots and retrieving her sword from the floor beside her bed. Lexa stood reluctantly to face the day, it was probably another late start on her part but as she was the commander she figured no one would give her any trouble. She stood slowly, stretching out the last remnants of sleep from her limbs and making for the exit. In the last second she whirled around retrieving her knife from under her pillow; this was not a normal practice for her but recent events had fed her paranoia significantly.  
The day passed slowly. Lexa spent most of the morning and afternoon studying the Ark from her vantage point at the forest’s edge. Indra had brought her warm food and wine, Lexa almost smirked at how obvious it was the motivation for Indra’s actions was guilt. On more than one occasion she had sat with Lexa, they had not spoken. Noon turned into dusk and the business of night watch was being discussed behind her around the fire. It was more of an argument than a discussion, as only a few of her warriors had accompanied her on this journey. They were tired and irritated.  
“I will take the first watch”, Lexa stood and turned to the fire. Her words seemed to surprise those before her, especially Indra.  
“That is not appropriate, Heda, the purpose of the watch is to ensure your safety”, Indra was correct in her statement but this was not war time and Lexa was more than capable of taking care of herself.  
“I am able to ensure my own safety for a few hours Indra, you all deserve a few hours rest”, her people went to argue but Lexa was already turning back to face the Ark and she was confident Indra would have silenced their concerns behind her back.  
Nothing else was said as Lexa returned to her post as the moon began climbing in the sky. She could predict the changing of the ark guard after studying it all day. She had never really looked at the Ark before, It was a cold and broken structure; its position amongst the forest was almost an insult to nature. When Lexa had first encountered the sky people she had believed they were also a cold and broken community that did not belong in her forest, then she met Clarke. Now she knew differently, their two clans were not that different after all.  
Suddenly, shouting broke the silence. Lexa stood to identify the source of the disruption breaking the eerie quiet of the night. The Ark guards in their customary black were nearly invisible as they zigzagged and weaved through the tents in the grounds of camp Jaha. Lexa could not identify a reason for their sudden reaction. She began to draw closer. That was when she saw it; a flash of blonde hair appearing momentarily and vanishing just as quick. It could be no one else but Clarke. The guards were following her, cornering her in a clearing in the centre of camp. She was surrounded; Lexa bit back her temper as the guards drew their weapons and enclosed Clarke. Even from this distance she could see the distress and confusion on her face. Lexa had not seen this reaction to the reaper drug before, Lincoln had recovered in days. Clarke still appeared feral. Something else must be going on, Clarke had been missing for months.  
Lexa realised then that Abby had finally appeared, sprinting from the Ark and pushing the guards away from her daughter. Lexa pulled her cloak around her as a shower of freezing rain had started. She could only hear the tapping of rain on the metal roofs of Camp Jaha from where she was positioned. The guards were relaxing, moving back; some slipped in the mud and Abby had turned her attention solely on her daughter. She held out a hand to support her daughter, Lexa could see she was talking to her but the noise of the rain and the distance made it impossible to decipher what she was saying. Clarke went to sprint away again, this time slipping in the mud and falling to her knees. Abby crouched beside her, Lexa did not realise she was holding her breath as she waited for Clarke to make her next move. Abby was trying to get through to her again, Clarke began to look up towards her mother. She eventually managed to haul herself up out of the mud and support herself on shaky legs. Lexa finally relaxed as Clarke allowed herself to be supported by Abby, who wrapped her arm around Clarke’s shoulders and took up her hand to steady her. It was at this point Clarke stilled as if to fight and run again, instead Lexa caught herself audibly gasping as Abby could not prevent her daughter falling flat onto her back. Lexa knew immediately what had happened, she had expected it since she first discovered the reaper drug was coursing through Clarke’s veins and the withdrawal had begun setting in. Clarke’s heart had finally given out.  
Abby had not realised what was happening until Clarke had fallen from her grasp. One moment her daughter had finally shown a flicker of recognition behind those wide and frantic eyes. The next minute her medical training had kicked in and she was checking for signs of life whilst beginning CPR. Abby almost swore at how stupid she had been, she should have expected this. Clarke was still unresponsive; Abby could hear Bellamy and Raven demanding to know what had happened. She had not let them see Clarke all day despite them camping outside the medical tent, trying to sneak in. In retrospect she should have let them, it might have been their last chance to see their friend. She heard and felt the crack of ribs underneath her hands, something that usually did not sicken her as much as it had right now.  
Sternly, Abby pushed the negative thoughts from her mind and grabbed a shock lash from the guard nearest to her. The first strike just caused Clarkes lifeless body to jerk in the mud. The second had the same effect. Abby was crying now, she was not aware of Kane’s presence until he wrapped a hand around her wrist.  
“Leave her in peace Abby, she’s gone”, Marcus was calm as usual. Abby sobbed loudly, for a second she considered listening to him; her daughter had been through enough. Then she pushed him back and away from her, freeing her hand she raised the shock lash for one last time. She brought it down with force, Clarke jerked on the ground as before but this time she continued to move; a faint twitch of limbs and the unmistakable rhythmic rise and fall of her chest.  
“Get her inside! Restrain her if she wakes up!”, Abby had to almost bellow over the sound of the rain as Bellamy led the effort to pull Clarke from the mud and take her back into the safety of medical. Kane placed a hand on her shoulder offering her a small comforting smile. Raven had followed after Bellamy and the remaining guards had returned to their original posts. Abby took a moment, the adrenaline was pumping through her system and her head pounded. She fought a dizzy spell as she wiped the water from her eyes and turned to follow her daughter. It was then she caught sight of something. A shadow lingered at the very perimeter of the camp, no more than an arm’s length outside the fence itself. Abby took a step towards the mysterious figure. Her eyes adjusted to the change in light and Abby realised it was Lexa staring back at her. She looked pale and drained, her eyes were red. Abby knew Lexa was silently pleading for news, Abby offered a slight nod; confirming Clarke’s survival. No more interaction was needed as Lexa turned and left.  
The commander was moving slowly back to the camp. Her warriors were asleep and the fire grew dim due to the rain. He should strike now, drive his sword through her chest and be gone before anyone even notices. He changed position; the racket of the storm was working in his favour covering his movement through the bushes. He had watched her jog towards the sky people’s camp, her interest in the sky commander was a rare weakness. It was a shame to have lost Clarke in the woods, his plan would have been perfect; kill the commander using the sky people’s leader. The twelve clans would descend into chaos.  
He would have to finish this now; the shaking had already started in his hands and head. It had been too long since he got his last red; the mere thought of his next dose caused him to lose focus, the commander was already on the camp boundary. Luckily she had paused one last time, turning to observe the Ark. He struck then, using the hilt of his sword to knock the commander unconscious. She fell hard in the wet grass cracking her head on a rock. He smiled then, drawing his knife and baring his teeth in a triumphant grin. He would take back a trophy for his master. He knelt at her side, lifting the blade to finish his mission.  
Suddenly a sharp searing pain burnt into his shoulder, looking down he saw the arrow head protruding from his tunic encircled with a growing flow of blood. He had been spotted. He stumbled quickly towards the deep forest; he could not contain his shrieks of agony. The tree line came to him quickly, providing shelter from the onslaught of arrows whistling around his ears. He fell to his knees, twisting back for one instant. The commander remained amongst the long grass, still as death; maybe he had got lucky, maybe she was finally dead.


	5. The cold light of day

There was a thumping in her head, a pressure behind her eyes that felt like they were going to explode in their sockets. She could not bring herself to open her eyes. She tried to shield herself with her arm from the white light searing through her eyelids but every muscle screamed in resistance. The pain radiating through her body finally motivated herself to force her eyelids open. At first she did not adjust to the bright light, it must be mid-morning already. Eventually, her vision cleared and she was surprised to see a ceiling above her; no sign of a tree or the morning sun. The fear set in then, last night she had fallen asleep in the forest around her tiny fire and now she was in this alien place.  
Clarke finally mustered the strength to pull the cover from over her and swing her legs slowly off the side of the bed. She winced and groaned as her limbs felt heavy and unfamiliar pushing her upper body upright. It was not until she scanned the room through blurry eyes she realised where she was. The Ark. How had they found her? She was more than a week’s walk from here, how was she returned so quickly? Why did she feel like she had been dropped from space? So many questions raced through her mind.  
Clarke caught her breath and prepared herself to stand. Her bare feet shivered when they touched the freezing metal floor. It took her two attempts to stand and maintain her balance. Finally she stood straight; her leg hurt the most out of everything. Reaching down with her hand she found a bandage tightly wrapped around her thigh. Her curiosity got the better of her; she slowly removed it revealing a long jagged slice through her thigh. It was neatly sutured but would probably scar, just another to add to the collection. Her mother must have done this; she had observed her stitching up wounds upwards of a hundred times and recognised her handiwork.  
Clarke spotted her boots at the bottom of her bed then, her clothes were missing. Using the bed as support she circled around searching for something to wear. A neat pile of folded clothes were positioned in the chair beside her bed. It must have taken her an hour to dress herself having to stop to fight a dizzy spell or catch her breath every few minutes. As she slowly buttoned up her shirt she examined the purple bruising to her chest, it was visibly tender to the touch and a sharp pain restricted her every breath. She had seen this before in patients who had needed chest compressions to start their heart. All her other symptoms pointed to this as well. Clarke managed to wriggle her boots on, forgoing the laces; she had to get out of here somehow before anyone noticed she was awake. Turning to make for the door Clarke realised she was not alone.  
“Clarke! You're up. You should stay in bed”, her mother was heading towards her then, quickly trying to wrap her arms around her in a gentle embrace. Clarke panicked, reacting immediately she pushed her mother away from her and gritting her teeth through the pain this movement caused her.  
“Why am I here?”, Clarke questioned. Abby moved back a few steps and Clarke lowered her arms.  
“You were found in the forest. You were not well”, Clarke frowned at her mother. That was not the response she was looking for. There were too many holes in her story to explain it away as the truth.  
“How did you get me back here so quickly? What did you do to me?”, Abby looked angry then. Clarke’s temper was beginning to flare also.  
“Clarke, you were brought here so I could treat you. This is your home”, Clarke's confusion and suspicion only grew.  
“I don’t want to be here. I need more time away from this place”, Clarke started to head towards the door and Abby shifted blocking her path.  
“You have been gone three months Clarke, winter is upon us. You will not survive out there alone, especially now”, at first Clarke thought she had misheard her. It had only been a month since she had left Camp Jaha, a month since she had destroyed the mountain; she was positive of this, she had been meticulously counting the days ever since.  
“Tell me what happened to me right now!”, Clarke yelled back at her mother. Abby looked down, she seemed reluctant to speak. Finally she met Clarke's gaze.  
“We think you were injected with the reaper drug. You were brought here suffering from withdrawal. Last night your heart stopped but I brought you back”, Clarke could not bring herself to believe her. All the evidence supported her mother’s claims; her memory loss, her injuries and her return to Camp Jaha, but it was just not possible. Clarke walked back around the room, trying to process the information. Abby remained still in the room behind her. Clarke reached up, placing her hand on her neck she felt for the final piece of the puzzle. Her mother was not lying, she felt the tiny bump beneath her skin.  
“Why are you wearing your boots?”, Abby had a pleading tone to her voice. Clarke turned to face her again.  
“I can’t stay here mom, I have to leave”, Clarke was no longer angry at her mother. She just knew she had to leave again as soon as she could, this place was suffocating.  
“You are not going anywhere Clarke”, Clarke knew that tone in her mother’s voice well. Her mother turned to leave; this was clearly not up for discussion.  
“You can’t keep me here forever”, Clarke almost whispered in defiance.  
“I will lock you up if I have too”. Clarke made eye contact with her mother. They just stared at each other for what seemed like minutes before Jackson burst in, abruptly sensing the tension in the room he stopped himself blurting out what he had to say.  
“Abby, there’s an issue outside that requires your attention”, Jackson smiled in Clarke's direction almost weary of her presence.  
“I’ll be right there”, Abby did not move right away. Jackson left quietly leaving them alone in the room again. “Everyone is excited you’re back, Clarke”, Abby spoke softly now regaining her composure.  
“I am sure they are all thrilled to have a mass murderer in the camp”, Clarke spoke sarcastically despite speaking the truth. Abby sighed and left. Clarke paced back to her bed slowly; their chat had taken it out of her. Pulling herself back on the bed with difficulty she lay her head down again, unable to resist shutting her eyes. 

Abby was almost thankful for Jackson finding her when he did. Clarke was not herself but Abby could not stop herself losing her temper. But was the anger aimed at the right person? What struck Abby first was the cold temperature of the morning. The sun was high in the sky but the temperature did not rise. Jackson was nowhere to be seen so Abby quickly scanned the camp. She found what she was looking for and broke out into a march.  
Indra had returned again. She must have accompanied Lexa to the camp. Abby would have to deal with this quickly, she could not risk Clarke seeing her; in her current frame of mind Abby had no idea what Clarke would do. Marcus and Bellamy were talking with her, well at her. Indra was her usual stone-faced self except for the bags beneath her eyes and droop in her posture. Marcus moved aside as Abby approached and Indra focused her attention on the chancellor.  
“What does your commander want now Indra?”, Abby folded her arms over her chest. She had already decided to say no to whatever game Lexa wanted to play next.  
“Our commander was attacked during the night. We believe she was hit over the head however she has not woken up yet”, Indra paused but Abby knew she wasn't quite finished yet. “We need your help”, Abby couldn't contain the laugh that erupted from her mouth. Indra’s expression became more aggressive as Abby laughed. Marcus was frowning in her direction, he would have handled this with more diplomacy; but his daughter was not laying in medical having only just survived.  
“How the tables of turned! Indra please tell me why we should help your commander when she is the one that left us and our people to die!”, Abby moved to within an inch of the fence. The buzz of the current and the heat it created was dangerously close.  
“My commander is the only reason your people have not been murdered in your sleep”, it seems Indra was also not keen on diplomacy. Abby lost patience, her daughter needed her. Without another word she turned and began to walk away. Marcus was after her in a flash; he grabbed her arm and spun her round.  
“Help her Abby, as much as she doesn't deserve it. We need their help”, her conscience told her Marcus was right. She grudgingly nodded; he got the message and went to work ordering the guard to open the gate.  
“Marcus, take her into the Ark. She is not to go anywhere near Clarke”, Marcus acknowledged her briefly before following Indra up the bank towards the grounder camp. It was going to be a very long day.  
Clarke was awake again. She must have only had an hour sleep judging by the level of the sun in the sky. Again she struggled to stand this time though the pain seemed less although her arms and legs were reluctant to do what she wanted. A sudden nausea materialised on her stomach, Clarke barely reached the sink before she threw up. Her stomach was empty but the bile and acid seared their way up her throat. The retching was agonizing for her chest; she could have passed out from the pain. Her knees gave out, smacking down onto the floor. She could not stop herself collapsing down to sit with her back against the wall; the room was spinning so she clamped her eyes shut tight.  
“What are you doing?”, Clarke slowly pulled her head up to see raven standing beside her. She had not heard her come in. Clarke managed to stand; Raven supported her as they moved back to the bed.  
“Raven, help me. I have to go”, Clarke almost fell as Raven abruptly released her.  
“Because that worked out so well for you the first time”, Raven pointed out. She hoisted herself up onto the stretcher.  
“I can’t stay here”, Clarke could only manage a whisper. Her throat still burned and the nausea was threatening to return.  
“I never pegged you as a coward, Clarke. A moron, yes, but after everything you have done you have proved you are not a coward”, Clarke tried not to listen. A part of her knew Raven was right.  
“I don’t want to talk Raven. Leave me alone”, Clarke couldn't even look at her without the guilt weighing down on her. Raven stood suddenly and crossed the room to the window.  
“Has your mother told you who brought you back here?”, Clarke shook her head. Raven gestured out the window and Clarke slowly rose. Using any surface for support she reached the window. She spotted Indra immediately, stalking through the guards with warriors she did not recognize. Then she spotted her mother trailing behind the group with Marcus. Bellamy was with the warriors, the group were carrying something. One of them stepped aside as they reached the entrance to the Ark. They were carrying Lexa, her features unmistakable to Clarke even from this distance. “She has not come here since she deserted us on the mountain, until now. She came back to save you Clarke. Even after everything she put you through she saved your life and that is the thanks she gets”. They stood quietly in the window together watching events unfold.  
“What happened to her?”, Clarke’s curiosity finally got the better of her.  
“She was attacked last night. I’ll see if I can get you in to see her”, Raven headed for the door then. Visiting time was over.  
“I do not want to see her. I am leaving here tonight”, Clarke tried to convince herself her own body would let her. Raven did not stop heading towards the door.  
“Good luck with that, Abby had put guards outside to keep an eye on you”, Raven left then without a goodbye. Clarke resigned herself to a few more nights in this place. It didn't even feel familiar to her any more. She tried to distract herself with planning her escape through the electric fence. However, Clarke soon realised she had not glanced at the fence once as she stood by the window. Her attention was focused solely on the Ark. In the month she could remember she cursed Lexa every day, hated her and wished her dead. Now she was back, Lexa was within her reach but revenge was the furthest thing from Clarke's mind. Maybe she was getting out of the medical tent tonight, but her escape from Camp Jaha would have to wait.


	6. An unwelcome surprise

The wound was jagged and messy, difficult to suture. The dried blood and dirt had been washed away to reveal a deep gash measuring roughly three inches running from above the grounders right ear reaching around her forehead. Abby had sutured wounds like this possibly hundreds of time, a petty voice in her head was almost pleased a scar would be left behind as a reminder to the Commander she was not untouchable. Abby tied off her final stitch just in time it seems as Lexa began to twitch subtly in her sleep, it would not be long before the commander was awake. The doctor was suddenly aware of a presence directly behind her, Indra had been relentless in her pacing vigil and the signs of life Lexa was showing had spurred her forward to now crowd Abby at the bedside. She was so close Abby felt her breath on the back of her neck; her patience was wearing dangerously thin. 

“Wait outside”, Indra went to protest but she must have judged the serious look in Abby’s eyes as she left quietly with a scowl. Abby stood then, taking her equipment to the sink. She didn’t turn straight away when she heard Lexa begin to roll off the bed. She turned to lean on the sink without saying a word. Lexa was hauling herself up off the bed far too quickly.   
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you”, Abby kept her voice steady and emotionless. She stood back and watched whilst Lexa stood with a sense of urgency, almost immediately losing her balance and sliding down the side of the bed. Abby circled the bed, Lexa was visibly panicked and out of breath. 

“What happened to me?”, Lexa glared at her. Abby wanted to just walk out and leave her there on the floor, it’s what she deserved after all. 

“Indra brought you here for treatment, whoever tried to kill you came damn close”, Abby returned to cleaning her tools. Lexa seemed reluctant to stand up; Abby had no intention of helping her. 

“How’s Clarke?”, Lexa spoke at almost a whisper. Anger overcame Abby then; she threw her equipment tray into the sink with a bang before closing the distant to Lexa and crouching inches away from her face. 

“You do not get to talk to me about Clarke. You do not get to worry about her or see her. Don’t even think about her. If I hear you have tried to see her whilst in this camp I will finish the job that someone started last night”, Lexa didn’t show any sign of anger or defiance she simply stared back at Abby. “Give me your word, oh great commander, that you will stay away from my daughter”, Abby’s voice was beginning to betray her. The silence lingered between them for what seemed like a minute. 

“You have my word”, Lexa finally spoke. Her breathing had returned to a normal rhythm and she began to push herself up off of the hard metal ground. Abby stood and watched her, trying to make this experience as embarrassing as possible for the grounder commander. 

“Clarke had your word and that didn’t get her very far”, Abby finally turned to leave satisfied she had gotten her point across. Indra passed her in the door way, Lexa was standing by the time Abby had left; she clutched the edge of the bed for support. Indra lingered across the room as if awaiting orders. 

“We leave in the morning”, Lexa did not look up as she spoke; she didn’t need to, Indra shuffled side to side and grasped the hilt of her sword tighter in disapproval. She was never one to be subtle. 

“But Heda, the sky girl. We must speak with her. She may not be directly responsible for the death of your warrior but she must know something”, Indra had a point; Lexa found herself to be persuaded quickly, maybe due to the fact she had every intention of ignoring Clarke’s mother. Lexa crossed to the door, through the glass she spotted two guards. Both were armed and probably under orders to stop Lexa leaving the building, this could be more difficult than she first feared. Indra must have sensed that Lexa was done talking as she strode out of the room without a goodbye. Lexa stood by the window weighing up her options. The window was sealed tight. Although she could easily deal with them, the noise would alert those nearby. As she was so deep in thought she did not hear the door open and close almost silently. It wasn’t until she heard a vague rhythmic clunk crossing the room towards her that she realised she wasn’t alone.

Immediately she spun on her heels, ignoring the pounding in her head and reaching for something to wield as a makeshift weapon. 

“You know you look ridiculous right now, right?”, it was the mechanic girl with the limp. Lexa relaxed, taking stock of what she grabbed; she held some kind of metal bowl in her hands. Slowly Lexa returned the object to its previous position; her head was spinning. 

“What do you want?”, Lexa sat back on the bed before she fell. Raven crept closer away from the door. 

“Abby didn’t pick the best guys to keep an eye on you, I only had to wait five minutes and they were already asleep”, Raven was talking at a volume just above a whisper; Lexa almost struggled to hear. 

“You did not answer my question”, Lexa was in no mood for chatting. 

“Well commander, I have a feeling you want to have a word with Clarke and in my opinion you’re going to need some help with that”, Lexa did not like the way this girl spoke to her but she let it slide for now considering she would need her help.   
“Why help me? You have made your feelings towards me very clear”, Lexa couldn’t help but be suspicious considering the circumstances that had led her here. 

“Well yeah, I hate your guts but I’m not stupid. We won’t survive winter without your help and seen as the doc and you are so stubborn I think Clarke is the only one that can negotiate with the pair of you”, Raven limped over to Lexa’s belongings to gather them up for her. 

“What did you have in mind?”, Lexa pulled on her boots and coat from Raven’s arms. 

“Well we’re just going to walk over there, it is dark after all”, Raven headed for the door then with Lexa close behind. Their escape wasn’t exactly stealthy what with Lexa off balance and Raven’s clunky leg. But judging by the deep echoing snores of the guards, they would probably succeed. 

There was a smell and a noise. It was dark and windy. It sounded like leaves rustling in the wind and Clarke could feel the breeze on her face. She tried to stand but it felt like something or someone was holding her down, there was a weight on her chest. There was definitely movement around her, like shadows running in and out of the bushes. Clarke’s vision was blurred, she had to move; hauling herself over onto her stomach fighting with the force pinning her down. She could see something a few feet away. She used her arms to drag herself across the floor; it was getting darker and darker. The movement was getting louder and nearer, Clarke was scared. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, her hand brushed against something soft and wet. She managed to grasp the object, it was smooth now. As she pulled it towards her, the smell became stronger. It was a hand, severed above the wrist. Then Clarke was crawling, the shadows were behind her now and catching up fast. Her chest was burning with every breath and she was sure she could hear someone calling her name. She had to stop, succumbing to exhaustion. The shadows were over her now. The shadows had faces, with hollow eyes and pained expressions. They leaned in closer and closer till they were almost on top of her, inches from her face. She was pinned again by something. Clarke could hear screaming ringing in her ears, it went on for what seemed like hours until she realised it was her crying out. The sky above was getting brighter and the distant shouts of her name grew louder. 

Suddenly, there was a light in her eyes. Her chest was tight and the pain was radiating down her limbs and into her head. Clarke was breathing fast, so much so she was beginning to get light headed. There was another shadow above her then, silhouetted by the light above. Clarke began to move away, battling the pain to pull herself over. She paused when the light was no longer forming a silhouette but still felt the urge to pull away. To run away and get out of this place, she wishes they had never found her in the woods; then she wouldn’t have had to deal with this right now. She wasn’t ready to be back here and she definitely wasn’t expecting to find Lexa staring back at her with a look of concern Clarke didn’t think she was ever capable of. 

“Get out”, Clarke was surprised by the hoarse tone of her voice. Lexa stood up straight and corrected her expression. Clarke sat up slowly, she was sure she had seen Lexa’s arm twitch when Clarke had gasped at the pain in her chest. “Get out”, she could only manage a whisper then as she struggled to stand. Clarke pulled the blanket around her and began to head towards the door. 

“I need to speak with you Clarke”, Lexa spoke softly and without emotion; calm and measured as always. Clarke felt the rage begin rise in her throat and an angry haze descend in her thoughts. She grabbed the nearest thing, which happened to be a glass beaker. She missed by a mile and the exertion caused her to stumble and lose balance, she barely managed to stay standing.

“I have nothing to say to you”, Clarke sat then clutching her chest. Lexa stayed still in the middle of the room, she had turned to face her though. The silence was hostile between them, the old Clarke would have cared about looking weak in front of the great commander but right now she did not give a damn. 

“I need your help”, Lexa didn’t make eye contact as she spoke. Clarke felt a sarcastic laugh form that she decided to supress. 

“You have no right to ask for my help”

“I know I don’t”, Lexa looked at her then. The eye contact affected Clarke; she couldn’t put a name to what she was feeling in that moment. “Clarke, when I found you in the woods…”.

“You found me?”, no one had told her this. Her mother had left out that crucial detail. 

“Yes, I was looking for some of my warriors. I found you instead”, Clarke felt like this was not the full story but she didn’t want to prolong this conversation by asking. 

“Why do you need my help?”, Clarkes curiosity got the better of her. She may despise Lexa but she had to know what had happened to her. 

“One of my warriors was murdered, my people want justice and I need your help to find the people that did this”, Lexa spoke like she didn’t have any real concern for the needs of her people anymore. 

“I don’t remember anything”, Clarke needed to sleep; this conversation needed to end. 

“Come with me to TonDC”, Lexa spoke quickly; like this was a sudden decision she couldn’t stop herself saying. 

Clarke did not answer. Her head told her there was no way in hell she was going anywhere with Lexa. Her heart told her she would be going to TonDC.


	7. Consequences

Abby was furious, finally she had slept; A few precious hours knowing that Clarke was literally yards from where she lay. However, at 6am that morning the men she had posted to keep an eye on the commander barged into her office. Unceremoniously waking her up only to tell her that not only was the commander gone but so was her daughter. The anger carried her all the way to the main gate where she found Harper and Monroe huddled together for warmth in the shadow of the gate. She approached them quickly; they spotted her immediately, their backs straightened and their expressions changed from drowsy to fearful as they watched her coming at them in a rage. 

“Did you open this gate for anyone last night?”, the two glanced at each other. Monroe went to speak but thought better of it. Abby came closer, she didn’t want to make a scene even at this time of the morning. 

“You will tell me what you know now or lose your jobs”, Abby could tell they knew something. The guilt was evident.   
“The commander left a few hours ago”, Harper spoke without making eye contact.

“And my daughter?”, Abby watched them closely they demeanour shifted; their expressions changed to that of confusion as they looked back and forth at each other. 

“We haven’t seen Clarke since she first came back”, Monroe did not falter as she spoke; she definitely seemed to be telling the truth. Abby nodded and the pair visibly relaxed. The cold suddenly reached her as she shivered and clutched her bare arms. She turned back towards the ark desperate to sleep but she had a feeling that wasn’t going to happen again any time soon. The camp was still quiet and dark, the makeshift lamps did not provide much light and many flickered unreliably. As she looked around she enjoyed the calm of the cold morning, then she saw Raven and realised how Clarke had managed to suddenly disappear. 

Raven saw her coming and immediately paused before carrying on towards the Ark trying to reach some kind of sanctuary before Abby caught up with her. 

“Raven tell me you had nothing to do with it!”, Abby lost her cool then. She didn’t mean to shout and break the silence. Raven finally stopped, clearly not able to maintain the speed she was going at without some discomfort. “Where is she?”, Raven maintained her composure. 

“Where’s who?”, Raven wasn’t giving up any information without a fight. 

“Why are you out here so early?”, Abby was on to her now; or so she thought. 

“Jeez, whats with the interrogation? These lights are crap, I don’t know how many times people come to me complaining about it like it’s my job to fix it”, Raven carried on towards the ark much slower this time and with a pained expression. 

“It is your job Raven”, Abby didn’t go to follow her. Raven wouldn’t tell her anything even if she threatened her. “Let me look at your leg sometime”, Raven looked back and smiled. 

“Maybe when I’m less busy and important”, Raven paused then. “Don’t worry Abby, Clarke is more than capable of looking after herself”, Raven left Abby in the cold then. As the chancellor thought about more and more about it, what Raven had said had done nothing to sate her anger. The commander was not taking Clarke from her again. 

Bellamy was barely out of bed when Abby entered without any kind of permission. He stood quickly, only partially dressed and still half asleep. 

“Get dressed, Clarkes gone and we are going to get her back”, Bellamy was quick to move then. It only took them ten minutes till they were dressed and approaching the gate. 

They barely spoke as they climbed the bank up to the grounders temporary camp, it was lighter now but Abby still felt like she was being watched as shadows seemed to move through the trees. The pair could hear the camp before they saw it, then came the glow of the campfire and finally Abby and Bellamy were being escorted through the camp by two very large and heavily armed grounders. Security must be tight after the attempt on Lexa’s life.

Abby paused; the commander had agreed to see her although she had kept them waiting outside her tent for few minutes too long. The guard finally waved her and Bellamy in. Lexa was sat in her throne looking bruised and uncomfortable but as formidable as ever. She didn’t speak probably waiting for Abby to explain her presence.   
“Where is my daughter?”, Abby was careful to remain calm. She would have to approach this delicately considering the threats she made the previous night. 

“Where ever you left her chancellor”, Lexa stood slowly; collecting herself before taking any more steps. The commander poured herself a glass of water waiting for Abby to continue. Bellamy remained by the door, Abby could hear him shifting from side to side; probably made more uncomfortable by Abby insisting they went to the camp without any weapons. 

“Is she here? Commander, Clarke’s not well. She still needs medical attention. She almost died for god sake!”, Abby took a few steps closer towards the commander. She paused when she spotted one of her guards mirror her steps to protect his commander. 

“She is not here. There is no need to worry about our presence so close to your camp anymore. We are leaving”, Lexa returned to her throne. Abby wanted to argue with her more but the politician in her knew this wasn’t going to work.   
“Good. I am sorry to have bothered you commander”, Abby turned and left. She could tell Bellamy wanted to protest but he clearly knew his place. However, he couldn't remain silent when they were alone again. 

“You know Clarke is there with the commander, don’t you? We can’t just let her leave again”, Bellamy was clearly as angered by the situation as she was; but unlike her he didn’t know when to quit. 

“If she wanted to stay with us, she would have”, Abby didn’t look back as the ark appeared before her. Clarke would come back when she was ready; maybe this time away would help her understand how much her people needed her. Abby knew Clarke was somewhere in this camp, she was probably listening to her conversation with the commander. How had she let this happen to her daughter? She should have protected her. Maybe the old Clarke was gone forever; she had not really recognised the hollow, sad eyes of the girl who had stared back at her in the medical bay hours earlier. Abby felt powerless, all she really had the power to do was blame herself. 

Lexa held her head, Clarke’s mother had left a few moments ago and her head was pounding; she carefully traced the stitches, they still felt numb to the touch. She just wanted quiet. Her thoughts were disturbed by the shuffle of someone emerging from Lexa’s bedroom. 

“How are you feeling Clarke?”, Lexa observed Clarke closely while she wasn’t looking. Clarke held herself carefully, clearly in pain with every step. Her bright blonde hair was no longer dirty and caked together and her clothes seemed new and a style more common amongst skikru. To the untrained eye, Clarke looked her normal self if not a bit battered and bruised. Lexa, however, Knew Clarke; the way she looked at Lexa was totally alien. Even when they were at odds, they still had a mutual respect and appreciation which at one time Lexa had hoped would grow into something more intimate. Lexa knew that would probably never happen, Clarke may never get over Lexa’s betrayal. 

“Don’t pretend like you give a damn Lexa. I know why I’m here”, Clarke sat carefully in a smaller chair across the room. Lexa didn’t speak anymore, deciding to remain silent no matter how uncomfortable it felt. The resentful tone of Clarke’s voice sent a chill down Lexa’s spine, causing her to look away. 

“Lexa, once this is over I will return to my people and hopefully never have to see you again. I’ll worry about me. You worry about whoever else wishes you were dead”, Clarke stood slowly and left. Lexa didn’t stop her leaving, even though Clarke had nowhere to stay in camp. Indra would keep an eye on her anyway. 

Lexa was suddenly overcome with a sadness she had not felt since the few days following the fall of mount weather. She was a traitor, totally ashamed of the decision she made; of course it was justified and logical but what had she done? Clarke was different, almost defeated and her people were questioning her ability to command at every opportunity. Lexa knew she had made the right decision that night, as commander she did her duty to protect her people. But if she could go back right now to that night knowing what her decision would do to her reputation and to Clarke, maybe Lexa would have made a very different choice.


	8. No smoke without fire

Clarke was trying, and probably failing, to stand tall and confident in front of the commander’s warriors and a rather moody looking Indra. Lexa was yet to appear from her tent. It was freezing outside; they had arrived back in TonDC when it was just beginning to get dark. Now the moon was high in the sky and the natural light barely lit the camp. There was an unusually high level of activity around the village. The grounders gathered in small groups and spoke their language in hushed tones as they looked back and forth to where Clarke stood alone. 

Lexa had disappeared into her tent as soon as they arrived, leaving Clarke to fend for herself; not that Clarke really minded. The fire was warming at least but provided little relief to the discomfort she was feeling in her chest as she fought off shivers. She hadn’t seen the village since after the missile; the residents seemed to be rebuilding however most of the buildings were very temporary or even tents like Lexa’s. 

Indra had ushered them all together after a short conversation with the commander but that had been at least an hour ago. Clarke was getting more and more drowsy; the small amount of Morphine she had stolen from her mother’s stash was running out fast. Indra must have heard something no one else did as she directed the small crowd inside. Clarke was the last one to head in out of the cold followed closely by Indra. 

Clarke stayed at the back barely able to see the commander in her throne around the tall figures of the warriors. Lexa stood to speak; Clarke noticed her expression looked oddly still and sombre. 

“Warriors, tomorrow morning I will be leaving with a small number of you to find out what happened to our friends in the west woods. Indra will return to Polis to oversee my command. I charge you all with remaining vigilant during this time as I’m sure you are all aware of the whispers and questions that have been circling in regards to my leadership”, Clarke was not only surprised by Lexa’s revelations but also the fact she had addressed her people in plain English probably for Clarkes benefit; she had had no idea what was happening. “Ryder and Clarke of the sky people are the only people that will be coming with me”, the warriors murmured their disapproval and Clarke actually scoffed. She guessed she had no choice in the matter but she had certainly not expected to be left pretty much alone with Lexa as they went looking for whoever had done this. Lexa stood then and her warriors were soon quiet, she headed towards her bedroom and they took it as a sign to leave. The commander suddenly turned to address the men once more. “I value your loyalty and I hope you can trust my judgement”, some of her warriors nodded and some simply carried on leaving. Indra followed also with the same grave expression as before; Clarke had a feeling she did not agree with the commander’s decision to deal with this matter alone. 

Clarke also turned to leave, however Indra motioned discreetly for her to stay. Barely making eye contact with Clarke before carrying on out of the tent; Clarke reasoned that maybe Indra was hoping she might be able to talk the commander out of this. Once she was alone she didn’t waste any time thinking about what this all meant. Clarke followed after Lexa into her bedroom. She was surprised to find Lexa with her back to Clarke; she didn’t even turn and Clarke wasn’t exactly being stealthy. 

“What do you think you are doing Commander?”, Clarke waited for what seemed like minutes before Lexa spoke; still not turning to face her. 

“I need to do this, I need to find out what happened to my men… and to you”, Lexa seemed to be packing. Clarke couldn’t see what she was putting in her bag but guessed it was weapons judging by the sound of metal clinking together. 

“Why do you think I am going to trust you now?”, Clarke sat on a trunk by the makeshift draped doorway; she lacked the ability to remain steady on her feet for a moment longer. Lexa finally turned and slowly walked towards her with something in her hand. She held it out for Clarke to take, it looked like a sword of some kind but shorter and lighter. Clarke did not take it from her immediately and instead looked up at her waiting for an answer and an explanation.  
“I know you will never trust me again”, Lexa didn’t look directly at Clarke as she remained poised with the sword raised; she did not falter so the weapon must have not weighed a great deal. 

“You are going to trust me with a weapon after I said I wished you were dead?”, Clarke raised her brow in a sarcastic manner as she spoke. 

“I trust you, Clarke”, Lexa’s eyes met hers now as she raised the weapon closer to Clarke. Clarke couldn’t help but hold her gaze, searching for a sign of something; she didn’t quite know what. Lexa looked away then and Clarke took that as a cue to take the sword from her. It was incredibly light considering its size and the handle was smaller than that of a regular sword, it could quite easily be for a child. 

“What am I meant to do with this if someone attacks us?”, Clarke didn’t want to reveal how much pain she was in.  
“I will protect you, this is just for emergencies”, Lexa went back to packing her clothes now. She separated them into two piles; Clarke suspected the extra coat was for her. 

“I didn’t think this was really your style”, Clarke gestured at the sword in her lap curious as to its origins. Lexa hesitated at Clarke’s question before carrying on what she was doing. 

“That is the first sword I trained with. An…Anya gave it to me when I became her second many years ago”, Lexa placed her bag by the door and now her eyes wondered the room searching for something to occupy her hands as Clarke watched intensely. Clarke was surprised by Lexa’s revelation, this exchange reminded her of that day by Finns funeral pyre when they talked about Costia. She almost let herself feel something for Lexa that wasn’t anger; quickly she remembered what the commander really was. “Get some rest, we leave in the morning”, Lexa was starting to remove her weapons and coat so Clarke took her leave. 

Clarke stood slowly, trying to conceal her discomfort. Lexa was facing away from her now, across the room. She was nearly out of the room when Lexa spoke quietly. 

“See Nyko before we leave, you may find his methods to be primitive in comparison to the skills of your mother but he knows how to help with pain”, Clarke didn’t turn back or answer her; she simply left Lexa alone.  
…………..  
Lexa woke up slowly, she felt like she was dreaming. Her vision was blurred as she tried to rub the sleep from her eyes. Her room smelled like something familiar and she could make out shouting just outside the fabric of her tent. It took her several moments to realise that she wasn’t actually dreaming, something was burning. Panicked figures darted outside her tent, silhouetted by the light cast from the fire. The commander pulled on her coat and boots with lightning speed and rushed to help; however, as she went to leave her room she realised the smoke was so thick inside her room because her tent was also ablaze. 

The fire was spreading towards her, the flame had engulfed her throne but she did not have the time to watch it burn. Thinking quickly she ran back into her room, grabbing belongings as she began to choke on the acrid black smoke; she wouldn’t last long before smoke reached her lungs. She drew her knife and began cutting at the tough material of the fabric wall that surrounded her. Soon she was through and the smoke cleared slightly, allowing her to draw cleaner air into her lungs. The smoke still stung her eyes as she was taken aback by the sight before her. 

Every single building was on fire, her people were scattered and Lexa hunted for a familiar face in the frenzy of people. Lexa had no idea where Clarke was, she hadn’t given her a place to sleep because she didn’t want to order her around. She spotted Indra and a sense of relief flooded through her. It was short lived as Clarke was still unaccounted for.  
Lexa guessed it was the early hours of the morning as the sky was beginning to shift from black to dark blue and the moon was low. The commander needed to find Clarke, she was her responsibility. Nyko rushed past her not stopping to talk as he hastily tended to those who had been saved. Indra approached her now and at a closer distance Lexa could see the panic in her eyes. 

“Have you seen Clarke?”, Lexa had to shout over the noise of the fire and the screams. Indra simply shook her head and then left to tend to her villagers. Lexa began her own search, scanning the faces of the wounded and the badly burned. She dared not to linger near the bodies of the dead; this was probably another attempt on her life. These people were dead or injured because of her, the person who was meant to protect them all. 

Finally, through the flames Lexa caught a glimpse of the Clarke. The fire made her hair glow orange. Lexa couldn’t help but watch her from across the village. Clarke was tending to the wounded; Lexa could see the pain in her face but admired her determination to carry on in spite of it. She was reminded of the old Clarke then, fierce and unrelenting in her efforts to protect and care for other people. Lexa was so transfixed she failed to see Clarke spot her staring across the chaos. Their eyes met for more than a moment. Lexa’s emotions got the better of her as her eyes began to mist up with tears. Clarke must have noticed, even from this distance, as she nodded ever so slightly. Maybe they were in this together after all.


	9. The Perils of winter

Morning came but no one noticed. A cloud of thick black smoke had taken up residence over the camp. Lexa had taken refuge in the tree line just out of sight of the village; she couldn’t stand the smell of burning death any longer. Indra had come to speak with her a few times, giving her damage reports and seeking the same escape as Lexa, only to have to return to aid her people. Clarke had entered her view two or three times now, she looked tired and weakened by a night of hard work. Lexa decided it was time to leave; she was battling a war in her head deciding who and who not to trust. She was only certain of her trust for one person now. They would leave in the next hour, without Ryder.   
\-----------  
Clarke needed to sleep, her body was running on autopilot and the pain had lasted so long now it felt like a constant ache with no possible relief. She finally sat for a moment, next to the smouldering remains of someone’s home. She closed her eyes in attempt to alleviate the stinging caused by the smoke. Her chest could barely move, each breath was restricted and shallow causing her to panic slightly from lack of oxygen. The pain, fatigue and her inability to take in enough air were causing her to lose her grip on consciousness. She vaguely felt herself swaying, her eyes still closed, the sounds around her became distant and foggy; Clarke felt herself falling, unable to stop herself as the night caught up with her. She was sure she felt a hand catch her arm before she hit the ground but she was asleep a second later.   
\----------   
Clarke was first aware of movement, a rhythmic jolting of her body as if she was walking; but how could she be walking if she was asleep? She couldn't open her eyes yet but she could smell the forest and hear heavy footsteps, maybe it was a horse. Clarke also felt two arms either side of her, holding her up whilst guiding the reins. She became aware of someone directly behind her, of similar build to her, it must be Lexa. 

Finally she opened her eyes; the sky was beginning to darken again. Had she really been asleep that long? She lifted her head, scanning her surroundings she only saw trees. Clarke felt Lexa stiffen behind her and she suddenly became very aware of the closeness between them and a familiar feeling of panic returned. 

“How are you feeling Clarke?”, Lexa sounded emotionless as usual. 

“I’ve been better. How long was I asleep?”, Clarke wanted nothing more than to hop down off this horse and walk but she felt as though the strength in her legs was yet to return. 

“Since we left camp early this morning, I did not want to wake you. I was surprised you didn’t wake up when I put you on the horse”, she heard a hint of a smile in Lexa’s voice. Clarke was still exhausted, had she really slept all day upright and on the back of a horse? “Are you hungry Clarke? We haven’t stopped since we left”, Lexa was beginning to slow up searching for somewhere to stop. They left the track, weaving through the trees. The forest became more and more dense and dark as they travelled further in as the minutes passed. Clarke had no idea where Lexa was going; they could have stopped by the track. Finally Lexa pulled up, they had come across a tiny clearing not even big enough for a tent.   
Lexa carefully and gracefully jumped down from the saddle, leaving Clarke to support her own weight. Something she couldn’t quite manage yet as she slumped forward, she tried but was unable to suppress a short cry as her chest came into contact with the horse. Lexa was right there steadying her in an instant; the two shared eye contact for a moment. Clarke saw concern in Lexa’s eyes accompanied by an uncertainty she had never seen the commander show before. Lexa helped Clarke sit up; motioning for her to lean against her body as she allowed herself to fall from the horse into Lexa’s waiting arms. The commander steadied her for a moment before taking a step back. 

Clarke stood with a slight lean as her chest was still impossibly constricted. Her legs felt jittery and weak, like a strong breeze would knock her over. With quite some effort, Clarke crossed the clearing and eased herself down a tree trunk on to the floor. Lexa was still watching her thoughtfully and Clarke was beginning to feel uncomfortable under her gaze. 

“I would help you set up camp but I feel like crap and I’m sure you’re more than capable”, Clarke began searching her coat for any remaining pain killers she had forgot about whilst Lexa finally began removing her pack from the horse. Clarkes search turned up nothing so she leant back on the tree, casting her eyes around the forest clearing. Lexa had secured her horse and for the first time Clarke noticed a second horse lingering close behind, Lexa really had thought of everything. The commander carried a small pouch in one hand and Clarkes new blade in the other, she held out the two items and this time Clarke did not hesitate to take them from her; she turned back to the horses again without a word. “What’s in the pouch commander?”, Clarke opened it slightly; it contained a small amount of a leafy green substance. 

“It is pain relief, Nyko said to take it when eating. It is a herbal remedy”, Lexa was removing blanket after blanket from her pack. Clarke was puzzled by her behaviour, Lexa seemed distracted. She felt a bit stronger and couldn’t sit here like an invalid any longer. With a grunt she stood, clutching her chest. 

“Thank you”, Clarke caught Lexa looking at her as she steadied herself on the tree; her eyes didn’t linger long. Clarke crossed to the tree line and begun picking up sticks, small ones from the bushes. 

“We won’t be making a fire tonight”, Clarke immediately turned waiting for some kind of explanation. Lexa was still removing items from her bag. 

“It’s nearly winter Lexa. What is going on?”, Clarke dropped her small bundle of twigs on the ground. Lexa took a swig of water before answering. 

“Clarke there is someone trying to kill me. That is why we are alone here and why I took us so far from the trail”, Lexa began eating some dried meat. She thrust some towards Clarke, who took it without question; she sensed Lexa was not up for discussing the situation further. 

“Okay but we will freeze to death out here”, Clarke chewed and chewed on the meat. It was salty but delicious. 

“There is some shelter here. I have plenty of blankets but… we will have to sleep close together for warmth. Will that be a problem?”, Lexa was asking her seriously. What would she do if Clarke said no? Sleep in her coat on the other side of the clearing. 

“If it’s that or freezing to death I am sure I’ll manage”, Clarke finished the meat and began gathering blankets to create a makeshift bed. They worked in silence, not saying another word as the dark sky turned black and they lay down together in an awkward silence; Clarke did not have to endure the silence for long as she drifted off to sleep once more.   
\----------  
Clarke had no idea how long she had slept. The freezing air woke her up with a shock. She was shivering; the weight of the blankets on top of her was considerably heavier than when she went to sleep, she sensed Lexa had something to do with that. Slowly, Clarke rolled onto her side; Lexa was lying directly beside her with only a single fur shielding her from the elements. For a moment Clarke simply watched her sleep before realising something was wrong, Lexa was totally still. She wasn’t shivering. Clarkes sleep addled brain took only a second to join the dots in her head, Lexa was hypothermic. 

“Lexa… Lexa wake up”, like a madman Clarke began shaking Lexa’s arm. The commander stirred but did not open her eyes. Clarke threw the furs that were covering her over Lexa. “Open your eyes, Lexa come on”, Clarke was beginning to grow very worried. After minutes of desperately trying to shake Lexa awake, the woman finally opened her eyes. Clarke could not contain a sigh of relief. 

“Clarke, I feel cold”, Lexa seemed delirious. Her eyes were struggling to focus on Clarke even though she was inches from her face. The emotional barriers Clarke had been trying to maintain were beginning to crumble. She reassuringly rubbed the commander’s arms in a futile attempt to warm her. 

“I’ll make it warm Lexa”, Clarke heaved herself up off the cold, hard ground. She grabbed the discarded twigs from earlier and a number of other sticks. Her earth skills came in handy as she made quick work in constructing and lighting a small fire, the warmth it created filled the tiny clearing in seconds. She guided the commander to lay closer to the fire and in between Clarke and the flames. Using her body, Clarke wrapped her arm and leg around Lexa and continued rubbing her arm. She had totally discarded her feelings of hatred and anger towards the woman before her, this was purely about survival. After what must have been hours, Clarke allowed herself to sleep again. Now the commander had begun to shiver they might just be out of the woods, figuratively that is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you had not noticed, I am a terrible proof reader.   
> Please comment.


	10. The morning after

Lexa woke first, she felt unexpectedly groggy and slow. The freezing air was causing her lungs to burn with every breath. As she gradually became more aware of her surroundings, Lexa felt a weight on her back that was unfamiliar to her. Searching with her hand under the furs she found what felt like an arm; Clarke must have been cold during the night. Her arm was warm to the touch unlike hers; Lexa’s cold touch must have startled Clarke as she withdrew slightly, much to Lexa’s secret disappointment. 

She dared not move, not wanting to disturb a sleeping Clarke. Instead Lexa let her mind wander to consider her current situation. The more she thought about it the more scared she became, Lexa had absolutely no plan here. Removing herself from the disaster she had caused at camp had allowed her some clarity as to her motives for running away. That was exactly what she had done; fled as soon as she couldn't cope. Explained her actions away, using Clarke as her reason. To be honest, as of that moment Lexa didn’t care. She needed a break from the constant scrutiny and the whispers, not to mention someone was trying to kill her. She was losing control, of the situation and herself. 

Then she remembered Clarke, had she been selfish? Practically kidnapping her the morning before, after the sky girl had spent the whole night caring for her people’s injuries whilst Lexa had hid in the bushes. The commander did not recognise her actions as her own, what had she become? What had started this paranoia and fear? 

Absentmindly, Lexa had grasped the arm that Clarke had placed round her during the night. She was so deep in thought she did not feel Clarke begin to stir behind her. It wasn't until she pulled her arm away from Lexa that the commander realised and shuffled away slightly under the furs. Patiently, she waited for Clarke to speak and break the silence. Lexa still felt odd, her body felt heavy and she was unbelievably cold. Clarke rolled slowly away from her; she heard her wincing with the movement. She almost winced herself as her back was exposed to the cold air and the comforting weight of Clarke against her vanished. To her surprise, she felt Clarke’s hand grasp her shoulder and give a gentle shake. She did not know that Lexa was already awake. 

“Lexa, wake up”, when Lexa did not immediately answer Clarke's shaking became more violent. 

“I am awake Clarke”, Lexa allowed herself to smile slightly and Clarke immediately withdrew. 

“Are you feeling okay?”, Clarke had a hint of worry in her voice that puzzled the commander. 

“Yes Clarke, how are you this morning?”, Lexa decided to turn and face the other way. She found Clarke sat up glaring back at her with a confused gaze. 

“Are you kidding me? You nearly died last night you know!”, Clarke managed to reach a shouting volume before she had to stop and grasp her chest. Lexa had no memory of this, she fell asleep shortly after Clarke settled and then woke up a short time ago. 

“What happened?”, Lexa herself sat up now. She heaved the furs off herself and scanned the clearing for clues. There was a fire now, it was small and crude but still smoked slightly. There was no other evidence of a fight or an intruder. 

“You seriously don’t remember?”, Clarke paused and waited for any kind of response before she continued. “ I woke up freezing in the middle of the night. I was shivering like crazy and you just weren't”, Lexa understood what must have happened, nodding in understanding. 

“You made the fire?”, Lexa wasn't mad; Clarke had done the right thing, as usual. 

“I know you didn't want to but it was kinda life or death. Plus you were being stupid paranoid yesterday, we are in the middle of nowhere”, Clarke clearly didn't understand what was happening; how could she when Lexa hadn't really explained the situation. 

“That’s what I am worried about Clarke, there is just me to protect you”, Lexa stood now and made an attempt to save the fire. 

“Well last night it was you that needed protecting”, Clarke smiled at Lexa then. It was smug but warm, Lexa felt herself blushing. She couldn't maintain eye contact, she felt guilty seeing Clarke smile. Not because she was briefly allowing herself to be happy in that moment but because seeing Clarke smile was such a rare occurrence now and that was Lexa’s fault.

“Thank you Clarke, I am grateful”, Lexa allowed herself a brief moment of eye contact with Clarke; who was no longer smiling, her neutral expression had returned as had the wall around her emotions Lexa guessed. 

“Don’t apologise, just let me build a damn fire”, Clarke began rolling up the furs as Lexa tended to the horses. They would leave soon.   
\-----------  
His Legs were numb; he had been crouched in the same position for hours now. From his vantage point he had watched evening turn into night and back into dawn, allowing himself to stray closer to the clearing only once when the sky girl had woke up and in the pitch black hurrying herself making a fire. 

The commander must have been cold, how pathetic. 

He could have struck then, killed them both in their sleep whilst they were weak and unsuspecting but that didn’t really sound like any fun. He would wait until they were least expecting it, make them think they were safe out here in the deep forest. 

He moved then, they would be a while preparing for travel and he was so hungry. The slow movement of standing caused his shoulder to ache; the cold had numbed it slightly. He would need more red soon, his hands were beginning to shake and he was clammy despite the cold. His master would find him when the time was right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short one I am afraid, but it is 4am here so forgive me


	11. A walk in the woods

They rode quietly for most of the morning; Lexa led the way whilst Clarke tried not to fill the long silences with small talk. The woods had begun to look familiar; she could not remember a time she had been here. The smell of the damp and dense forest made her feel uneasy. Clarke felt like she was being watched, the shadows seemed to move with her as she rode down the narrow track. 

“This place, it looks familiar. Where are we?”, Clarke wasn’t expecting Lexa to stop dead. She had to react quickly to stop her horse running into the back of the commanders. Lexa turned to face her, straining to face Clarke whilst sat in the saddle. 

“Where I found you is near here. That’s where I am heading for. I chased you to the river”, Lexa’s expression turned grave as she turned away and carried on. Clarke tried her hardest to remember anything but there was nothing but a vague sense of familiarity. 

The pair continued a little further before the trail abruptly ended, Lexa jumped off her horse immediately. Clarke didn’t share her enthusiasm to jump off her horse; she wasn’t exactly very agile at the moment. She observed Lexa for a moment; the commander was looking past the treeline as if something had caught her eye. Lexa’s hand had risen to grasp her sword; even from her horse Clarke could see that her knuckles were white. 

“What’s wrong?”, Lexa did not immediately react. Her eyes were still searching somewhere through the trees. Eventually she snapped out of it and tied her horse to the nearest tree. 

“I thought I saw something… I didn’t”, Lexa walked over to her then. Clarke was expecting Lexa to help her down, whilst she was embarrassed at needing the commander to help her like a child she knew it was stupid to protest. However, the commander started rifling through her bags instead. Clarke did not question her actions, something was troubling the commander. Lexa had retrieved the sword she had given to Clarke. Without speaking or seeking permission she began attaching the blade to Clarke’s belt before leading her horse to stand next to her own. Then she returned to watching the forest as if she was waiting for something, Clarke guessed she was probably waiting for her. 

“I might need a hand getting down”, Clarke felt herself blush as she spoke. She must seem so weak to the commander. Lexa approached and held out her arms; Clarke caught her smiling slightly as she grabbed hold of her for support. “Try not to enjoy this too much commander”, Clarke almost frowned; she shouldn’t be talking to Lexa like this. Lexa must have felt the same way as she instantly corrected her expression to one of neutrality. Clarke felt her foot catch on the saddle as she was halfway off, before she could warn Lexa she fell. Lexa made an attempt to catch her but both of them went straight over, Clarke landing on top of Lexa who had positioned herself between the sky girl and the ground in an instant. The pain was incredible. She was sure she felt her ribs breaking all over again. Over the past few days her chest had begun to ease slowly, this would definitely be a setback. Clarke couldn’t move, let alone think. She forgot that Lexa was beneath her lying in the dirt. She also didn’t fell Lexa wrap her arms gently around Clarke, probably in an effort to comfort her as Clarke was most definitely crying. 

“Clarke, I am sorry. Say something”, Clarke was still too busy trying not to pass out to answer. She was beginning to hyperventilate. Her chest was so constricted Clarke could not breathe. Her eyes were clamped shut and stinging from the tears. Lexa took action, gently and slowly rolling Clarke onto her back. This new position was not very comfortable; Clarke opened her eyes finally but couldn’t speak yet. She could see the tree canopy and Lexa’s face, panic, fear and sadness were present. Then Lexa vanished, Clarke tried to speak to call her back. She really didn’t want to be on her own, she was terrified. 

\----------

The fall had not injured Lexa. For a split second after Clarke had dropped onto her Lexa had allowed herself to enjoy the closeness that was until she realised Clarke’s breath had quickened. She was stiff in her arms and her chest was barely moving. Then she began to cry, Lexa could tell the cause of this was not sadness but pain. When Clarke did not reply Lexa acted, moving her gently to a more stable position on the ground. 

Lexa had no idea how to make this better for Clarke, she was a warrior not a healer; more use to causing pain than taking it away. In her panicked state she began searching Clarkes belongings before she found the pouch Nyko had given her. She held it in her hands then, she was desperately trying to remember anything that she had seen that might help her help Clarke. 

Then it hit her, this herb could be inhaled. Nyko had used it after a battle before, making a small fire to disperse the smoke effectively. She set to work; kneeling beside Clarke she quickly built a small fire. Her hands were shaking; it took her several attempts before she finally made a spark. The herb and kindling burned fast. Lexa grabbed Clarkes shoulder and rolled her onto her side, she shouted out from the movement but Lexa had to do this; it was the only way. 

“I’m sorry Clarke. This will make you feel better”, Lexa felt herself tearing up as she watched Clarke shaking in pain and choking on the smoke. She did not deserve this. Lexa was breathing it in also, her vision was beginning to blur from the effects of the herb. It was working though, Clarke was beginning to settle. Her breathing was regular and her eyelids were beginning to droop. Lexa held her breath, she beginning to feel drowsy herself. The smoke was beginning to clear and Clarke was finally asleep. Lexa sat on the ground, allowing Clarke to rest. Hopefully the pain would not be as bad when she woke again. 

\----------

Clarke woke up with a start, trying to sit up before realising that was a very stupid idea. The canopy was still above her and to her surprise it was still daylight. 

“Lexa”, Clarke remembered the commander leaving her on the ground. To her relief Lexa was beside her in an instant.   
“I am right here Clarke, how are you feeling?”, Clarke considered Lexa’s question. How did she feel? She felt achey all over, but that was nothing new. She didn’t feel like she was entirely awake, it was almost like she was dreaming. But the unbelievable pain she felt before had lessened. 

“I feel weird. What did you do? The pain is better. How long was I asleep?”, Clarke mustered her strength and managed to haul herself up onto an elbow. Lexa was right by her, supporting her to a sitting position. 

“Just a few hours. The herbal remedy Nyko had given you; I burned it to create a smoke. It was quite effective it seems”, Clarke couldn’t argue with that. 

“I feel better, we should carry on”, Clarke motioned to stand. Lexa didn’t protest, she gripped Clarke gently under the arms before pulling her upwards slowly. The movement was unpleasant but Clarke managed through gritted teeth.   
“We have to continue on foot, is that okay?”, Lexa hadn’t released her shoulder yet. Part of Clarke didn’t want her too, not yet. 

“Lead the way”, faced with Lexa’s concerned expression Clarke smiled as she spoke. The commander’s face soon changed to mirror her own. 

“It is not far”, Lexa let go then. She turned and headed into the trees, she drew her sword, cutting a path. Clarke followed without another thought. 

They were only walking for a minutes before they happened upon a river. It was fast flowing but shallow, the banks were gravel. Clarke paused, the feeling of familiarity she had felt before had returned. Lexa had stopped at the water’s edge before turning to face Clarke.

“This is where I realised it was you who had attacked me. If you hadn’t fallen into the water after I had wounded you I would have killed you”, Lexa smiled but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. Clarke couldn’t remember. 

“So I have you to thank for my leg?”, Clarke let herself smirk. She couldn’t be mad at Lexa for that. 

“I am sorry… if it’s any consolation you nearly had me”, Lexa walked back over to her standing a few feet in front of her.

“Really? Well that was probably the reaper drug”, Clarke regretted mentioning the drug as Lexa left the river’s edge then and headed back into the forest leaving Clarke to follow. “Where are we going now?”, Clarke struggled to keep up. 

“There is a clearing near here where I found… evidence of where my warriors were attacked”, Clarke knew Lexa wasn’t telling her the whole story. 

“How do you expect me to remember anything when you’re not telling me the whole story?”, Lexa paused and Clarke waited expectantly. 

“You do not want me to tell you the whole story Clarke”, Clarke was angered. She did not enjoy being dismissed, especially like this. 

“I am not taking another step until you tell me what you found!”, Clarke lent against a tree; taking advantage of the break. Lexa paced for a moment, clearly trying to decide whether or not to tell her. 

“I found you, isn’t that enough?”, Clarke could hear Lexa pleading with her to drop it. 

“No, that is not enough! That is nowhere near enough. Do you think that because you found me and took me home that somehow makes up for what you did? You abandoned me Lexa; you forced me to kill all those people! I would not have been out here in the woods by myself if it wasn’t for you”, Clarkes anger had caused her to walk towards Lexa, closing the distance between them. In her rage she did not notice the commander take a step backwards and break eye contact. Clarke was less than an arm’s length from Lexa now but the commander was staring at the ground. “You betrayed me! I murdered innocent people Lexa! You will never be able to make that up to me”, Clarke paused; she was out of breath. She hadn’t quite expected to launch such an attack in that moment, she had held that in so long the slightest thing had set her off. Clarke composed herself quickly; Lexa was still staring at the ground. “You didn’t protect me from that, don’t protect me from this”, Clarke spoke quietly now. After a few moments, Lexa looked up again. 

“I found a hand, a severed hand. We searched for the rest of the body but didn’t find anything except blood. I don’t know if it was you that did that”, Lexa almost whispered. 

“Do you think the reaper drug made me kill people? Reapers were cannibals in the mines, what did I do?”, Clarke was more asking herself than Lexa. “Why can’t I remember?”, Clarke turned away from Lexa. She was so frustrated. She heard Lexa take a step closer, chancing her luck as she placed a hand on Clarkes shoulder. 

“I will find out what happened to you Clarke. You have my word”, Clarke just wanted to be silent for a moment longer.   
Suddenly Lexa pushed her, Clarke shouted out in surprise. They crouched at the base of a tree as Lexa quietly drew her sword and pressed a finger to her lips. Clarke didn’t dare speak. 

“Do not be alarmed Clarke, there is someone following us. I saw them earlier before you fell from your horse”, Clarke didn’t know whether to believe Lexa. She had been erratic and paranoid of late. 

“Are you sure?”, Lexa actually shushed her then. 

“I am going to find him, you stay right here”, Lexa was gone a second later; leaving Clarke alone. Time passed, she had no idea how much. Every time she heard a twig snap or leaves rustle in the wind she hoped it was the commander. As she was left by herself she tried again to remember, all she could think about was what she had said to Lexa. Did she blame her for what she herself had done? Maybe, but that didn’t explain why she felt so guilty.


	12. Clarke's clearing

Clarke only managed to sit still for about half an hour. Lexa was nowhere to be seen and she felt terribly exposed sat here with nothing more than a glorified children's sword to defend herself with. Clarke debated whether to follow after the commander or try and double back to the horses. Each plan had its faults, for one she had no idea where Lexa had gone or if she was safe but on the other hand, she had no idea which way to go to find the horses. Finally, she made a choice. Clarke decided to carry on through the woods, they were here for a reason after all. She didn't need Lexa to hold her hand through this. 

She wasn't a fool, she was nearly defenceless in her current condition. Clarke drew her sword, holding it raised despite the tremor the weight caused. There was no way she would let herself be caught off-guard. The trees were still dense and hard to traverse. She didn't know where she was headed but her feet seemed to be carrying her in a particular direction. Clarke was sure she had been here before, her surroundings reminded her of the dream she had back home. She was beginning to feel claustrophobic. After an hour or so of wondering aimlessly, Clarke finally happened upon a clearing; she suspected this was the place Lexa had told her about. The earth was disturbed and in places there was evidence of a fire being built. Clarke used her blade to search the bushes quickly, there was nothing except a few scraps of cloth; that was until she found something else. 

Reluctantly she knelt slightly, leaning in the bushes to retrieve the item. Sadly, she recognised it immediately. It was her knife, the only weapon she had taken with her when she had left Camp Jaha. Running her finger up the side of the blade Clarke realised it wasn't just mud that coated the blade, there was dried blood. 

Then she felt it, a memory forming in her head. It was night, Clarke was running and running. She was chasing someone or being chased, she wasn't sure yet. The knife was in her hand, the blade was clean. A man appeared, he was sat by a fire alone. Clarke stopped running, she circled the clearing. After a minute she pounced, attacking the man from behind. He fought back however, throwing her over his shoulder. Clarke managed to roll away from the fire and immediately threw herself at him again with her knife raised high in both hands. It was at this point that Clarke knew why Lexa had not wanted to tell her the full story. The knife made contact with the warriors arm as he held it out to defend himself. Clarke remembered in great detail the feeling of the knife slicing through the man's skin and muscle underneath. She remembered feeling the knife hit bone and halt for a second, the crack she vaguely recalled told her the bone didn't hold up long. This memory of her actions seemed to be running in slow motion when in fact the events probably lasted a few seconds. Clarke saw the look of terror in his eyes and heard the echoes of his screams. She prayed this memory would be over soon but it seemed never ending. The man lay on the floor, clutching his wrist as it pumped blood all over him. Clarke's hands were drenched in blood, her knife was still in her hand. She approached him slowly. Clarke wanted to stop herself but she kept going, something else was driving her to do this. Raising the knife to the man's throat she pulled it flush against his jugular, opening it and making no attempt to avoid the spray from the artery. Her past self then stood and watched the man bleed to death. As the life left his eyes Clarke finally returned to the present. 

The forest was light again and Clarke was focused solely on the very spot she had killed a man. She realised she was crying. Now she understood Lexa's hesitation. Part of her knew that if she was in her right mind she would have never done something like that. The reaper drug had torn down every aspect of her personality and replaced it with the mind of a monster. That did not comfort her much or at all. What did this mean for her now? Lexa would surely have to act on her crimes. Should she lie? No, Lexa deserved to know the truth. She had to tell her. 

Clarke finally tore herself away from the clearing, heading back in the direction she came. Clarke was no longer holding her sword outstretched, but rather trailed it along side her. She would head back to the horses and hope Lexa would find her, she suspected she would. 

Her mind was elsewhere, she reached the horses without thinking and found no Lexa. Clarke didn't want to be left alone much longer she had to tell Lexa what she had done and apologise for shouting at her before. Everything Lexa had done since the mountain had been to protect Clarke, she deserved better. Clarke knew it was her fault, everything that had happened, the mountain and her being out here in the woods. 

Suddenly, Lexa appeared. Her forehead was bloody from a small cut. Clarke approached without thinking and raised a hand to survey the wound. Lexa was clearly surprised by this but did not pull herself away. 

"What happened?", Clarke's voice was shaking. 

"It's nothing. I tripped", Lexa's reply felt unnatural. 

"That's unlike you, to trip", Clarke was still holding back Lexa's hair to examine the wound. 

"Well I was somewhat distracted when you were not where I left you", Clarke would have smiled if she hadn't just remembered she had killed a man. She turned away from Lexa then. "What happened Clarke?", Lexa did not move. 

"I remember", Clarke almost whispered. Lexa did not say anything, waiting or Clarke to continue. "I killed you warrior. I cut off his hand and then I slit his throat", Clarke spoke fast trying to say everything before her nerve faltered. Lexa was still silent, Clarke stayed completely still and closed her eyes waiting for a response. 

"That was not you, the reaper drug made you do those things", She heard Lexa approaching her slowly. Lexa had forgiven her just like that? She had murdered one of her warriors. 

"After all the trouble I have caused you. I killed one of your people Lexa. Blood must have blood", Clarke realised part of her wanted to be punished. She jumped when Lexa placed a hand on her shoulder again. 

"You have not caused me any trouble at all Clarke. I owe you a debt, I must atone for my treachery at the mountain", Lexa did not remove the hand she had placed on Clarke's shoulder. But Clarke turned around then, she did not expect to find Lexa staring back at her, almost uncomfortably close. 

"You are forgiving me because you think you owe me something?", Clarke thought her impulse to get angry again. 

"No, I am forgiving you because you have been through enough", Lexa's voice almost sounded like it was pleading for her to listen. Clarke did not feel angry any more. She felt an odd mixture of relief, sadness and frustration. She needed comfort. As almost a reflex Clarke threw her arms around Lexa, pulling her into a forceful embrace. The closeness calmed her. At first the commander did not return her actions, Clarke could feel her arms raised and unsure around her. Eventually though Lexa surrendered and allowed herself to hold the shorter girl close. 

They stood there together for minutes, the silence was not awkward but necessary. Lexa made no attempt to push her away. Clarke did not understand until now the commander's true motives for bringing her out here. Now though, there was hope that maybe one of those motives involved her caring for Clarke. Without breaking the hug, Clarke remembered their mystery stalker. 

"Did you find the person following us?", Clarke tilted her head to allow herself to speak over Lexa's shoulder. 

"I did not, he is very good at covering his tracks", Lexa too did not attempt to move away. Clarke did have some questions pertaining to the commanders state of mind at the moment but considering the breakthrough they had just had she would leave it for now. Clarke allowed herself to smile discreetly, what was happening in Clarke's mind? She was beginning to realise Lexa was not the cold-hearted traitor Clarke had made her out to be in her mind. Could she actually forgive her?


	13. The cave

The snow had not stopped falling for three days now. On higher ground, the blizzard had formed drifts two feet deep and the lower ground was nearly impassable. The complete and total white out of the landscape had made it impossible to navigate. The horses had succumb to the cold after the first day so Clarke and Lexa had no choice but to try and push forward, following the foot of a mountain hoping to shelter from the incessant freezing storm. Luck had fallen in their side on two occasions now, giving them a tiny cave and a low rocky outcrop to shield them from the elements just out of the clutches of the blizzard. 

Clarke had forgotten how it had felt to be warm and without pain. Her chest was still aching and he constant shivering was only causing the pain to continue, not that she had told Lexa she was still having trouble. She did find some relief when they stopped for the night and Lexa took mere minutes to start a fire. Mostly they sat in silence thawing around the fire and drying their sodden boots. This night was no different except they had given up before the sky was even beginning to darken. Lexa had found a cave with a smaller entrance; the pair had to crawl inside dragging their packs behind them. Whilst Lexa still had the daylight she expertly made a fire as close as possible to the entrance to allow for ventilation.

An hour or so later the pair had finished eating and settling in for the night, the sun was only just beginning to set. Clarke had not had time like this for days, nothing to do or distract herself with. She watched Lexa instead; the commander had her back to her. She could hear the chink of metals as Lexa searched through her bag for something. Clarke couldn’t deny that Lexa had been a rock of stability and motivation over the past few days even if they had barely spoken. 

Clarke let he mind wonder to the days ahead. After the clearing they had not discussed where they were heading. Clarke was almost scared to discuss it after regaining some of her memories. Maybe it was time to face reality. Lexa had finally lain back in her makeshift bed now staring up at the ceiling of the cave; she didn’t really seem to have anything on her mind. 

“So what is the plan here Lexa?”, Clarke finally plucked up the courage to speak. Lexa did not acknowledge her at first, if they were not only a foot away from each other it would have seemed as if Lexa had not heard her. Finally she sighed, loudly, and turned her head partially towards Clarke. 

“I don’t know Clarke”, Lexa was silent again and Clarke realised after a long pause that she had nothing further to add to that. 

“What do you mean? We have been travelling for days heading further and further away from Polis and you don’t know why?”, Clarke couldn’t quite hide the annoyed tone in her voice. Lexa furrowed her brow as if confused or troubled by something. There was another long pause.

“I just can’t go back yet, I don’t have any answers. Not for you or for my people”, Clarke contemplated that for a minute. She could understand but at the same time they would eventually die out here.

“What do you propose we do then? This weather will kill us both eventually and probably me first”, Clarke was trying to put it to Lexa in as simple and blunt times as possible. Something was different in the commander over the past few weeks, her demeanour had not changed when she was addressing her people but in private she could seem panicked or confused at times. Clarke was beginning to worry for her state of mind more and more with each passing day. 

“I have an idea but I do not think it will work”, Lexa still did not look at her as she spoke. “There is a village west of here; it lies on the border with the ice nation. I did not want to take us so close to their territory but this blizzard is leaving us no choice”, to Clarkes surprise Lexa turned into her side, facing her. They did not make eye contact however. 

“If you think that it’s for the best than that’s what we should do”, the silence returned between them and Clarke was beginning to feel sleepy. 

“What do you think we should do Clarke?”, Lexa had turned to face her entirely now. Clarke regarded her closely for a moment, she seemed genuinely interested. She must have really been doubting her own judgement if she was asking for Clarkes opinion. 

“Three days ago I would have said we should turn around and go home but now we have come too far to turn back”, whilst Clarke wasn’t a big fan of being stuck in the middle of nowhere but it had its perks. She really didn’t want to go back to Camp Jaha and face everyone plus she hated to admit it but she didn’t exactly find Lexa’s company infuriating anymore. 

Suddenly, Lexa bolted upright causing Clarke to jump. Her gaze was focused on the entrance to the cave. Reluctantly, Clarke also sat up and found she had started whispering. 

“What’s wrong?”, after Lexa failed to reply Clarke placed a hand on her arm.

“I heard something”, Lexa remained transfixed on the cave entrance. Clarke hadn’t heard anything except the quiet crackle of the fire and the sound of the wind and blizzard that continued to rage outside. “I’ll go and see what it was, stay here”, Lexa didn’t give Clarke much chance to protest as she was up and dressed in her coat before she could say a word. Luckily, the fire was blocking Lexa’s path so Clarke eventually managed to manoeuvre herself into her path. She stopped her with raised arms as Lexa tried to get past her. 

“It’s the middle of the night and if you go out there you will be dead by morning”, Clarke had stopped whispering now. Her hands gripped Lexa’s arms tightly keeping her from escaping. 

“The person who is following us is out there right now Clarke. Eventually he will get us”, Lexa seemed scared and almost crazed. Clarke still held on. 

“How would they survive out in this storm? I have not seen any evidence of someone following us since you were attacked”, Clarke felt Lexa relax so she eased her grip. However, judging by the commander’s face this wasn’t due to Clarke reaching her but something else entirely. 

“You don’t believe someone is out there, do you?”, Clarke didn’t know what to say. In all honesty, she didn’t think anyone was following them although she couldn’t argue that Lexa had been attacked but that was days ago now.

“I think that we have had a very hard couple of days and you should not go running off into a snow storm”, Clarke tried a reassuring smile but that did nothing to sate Lexa’s new anger that was appearing on her face. 

“I did not think you cared Clarke. Are you only worried that you would die out here if I didn’t return?”, Lexa spoke with a malice Clarke had not heard in her voice before. She didn’t know what to do; Lexa was trying to push past her again to make for the entrance. Lexa would have had no trouble pushing Clarke out of the way in the state she was in. 

“Well yeah, I would die if you left me here. What would be the point in leaving me to die now considering everything you have done to keep me safe until now?”, Lexa seemed to calm down but continued to head for the entrance gradually. “You’re going to go out there regardless of anything I say aren’t you?”, Lexa didn’t answer but Clarke could sense she was correct in her assumption. Before Clarke knew what she was doing she was the one who was moving towards Lexa. It was as if she was moving in slow motion as she saw Lexa’s expression change when she realised what Clarke was doing. Within seconds Clarke had closed the distance between them and kissed Lexa. To her relief she felt the tension in the commanders shoulders ease as she wrapped her arms gently around Clarke’s back before letting one hand wonder up to cup her face softly. Clarke was powerless to move, her hands remained on Lexa’s arms as she became completely lost in the moment. 

Even though the moment seemed to last forever, Lexa pulled away within half a minute and swiftly exited the cave before Clarke could regain a grasp on what was happening. Reality soon came crashing down when she realised the gravity of the situation. She had just kissed the commander and Lexa had left her again.


	14. Blood and Snow

Clarke had debated with herself for hours in the cave alone. The fire became dim and the air grew chilly. For hours she was trying to decide what to do, she hadn’t even noticed the snow had stopped for the first time in days. At some point she must have succumb to her exhaustion as it was morning in the blink of an eye. 

Clarke woke up with a start, chased out of a deep sleep by the horrific nightmares she had been experiencing nightly since she had returned to camp Jaha. It took her at least a minute of calming her breathing before she remembered the events of the previous night. In a panic she flipped on to her other side, causing her chest to burn in the process, hoping to see a sleeping Lexa beside her. Clarke’s heart quickened and thumped in her ears when she found Lexa’s makeshift bed empty. 

Without thinking Clarke began frantically packing up their things. In a matter of minutes she had her own pack on her back and was trying to contend with Lexa’s much larger and heavier belongings. Eventually, after much swearing and throwing her own bag down in anger, Clarke decided it would be best to pull both hers and Lexa’s pack behind her on a makeshift sledge she made from a tent covering and some rope. If she wasn’t fraught with anxiety, she would have marvelled at her own ingenuity as she pulled her sledge behind her with minimal effort. 

When she had finally made it outside of the cave she realised it was deathly quiet. Everything was white but the rushing sound of the wind and snow had been replaced by nothing. Clarke paced the small clearing outside of the cave. She spotted a set of foot prints leading away and into the forest. Luckily for Clarke, Lexa’s boots had left their mark as the snow must have stopped shortly after the commander had left. The prints were partially covered but cut a clear path to the edge of the clearing, Clarke followed closely careful not to take her eyes of the trail.   
Suddenly she stopped, noticing something that made her audibly gasp. Another set of footprints were there, beside Lexa’s in the snow. Clarke examined them closely, desperately trying to convince herself that Lexa had circled back around. The boot prints were unmistakably bigger. The footprints were heading in the same direction as Lexa’s and judging by the depth that they had been covered by the falling snow; whoever had left them was following the commander into the woods. 

Clarke quickly searched through her sledge, pulling out the sword that Lexa had given her. Without thinking, she also searched through Lexa’s bag. She almost smiled when her hand grasped the familiar handle of the commander’s favourite knife; Clarke pushed it into her belt alongside her sword. With one final glance around the clearing for any signs of life, she trudged past the treeline allowing the dense forest to swallow her up.   
The trail continued for what felt like a mile in a straight even path before it changed. Suddenly, Lexa’s steps grew further apart as if she was running. She must have been darting from side to side as the trail grew erratic. Clarke abandoned her pack and followed the trail on foot into the dense undergrowth. She began studying the landscape around her, Clarke picked out a few broken branches and disturbances in the dirt. The tracks were muddled and impossible to follow, as if a fight had broken out. The scars in the snow and earth were worrying enough if Clarke hadn’t also spotted drops of blood in amongst the dirt. Clarke stood up straight, looking through the trees trying to spot something to follow to Lexa once again. Something caught her eye in the near distance, less than 50 yards away was something embedded in a tree that stood out as unnatural in this natural landscape. Clarke closed the distance to the object in question. 

An arrow stuck out of the tree, it was embedded deeply into the trunk as Clarke was unable to free it. This was the most troubling find Clarke had stumbled upon, whilst she had no doubt Lexa would win in a close quarters fight, did she stand a chance fleeing from someone firing arrows at her. Clarke took little comfort in the fact it was night when this had occurred. 

Clarke instinctively drew her sword when she heard a noise behind her, wheeling around she saw nothing at first until she focused on the base of a tree close by. She definitely saw movement. Without hesitation she cut a path through the undergrowth with her sword. When she was only metres away she drew to a sharp halt as a realisation dawned on her; this was definitely a trap. 

Lexa was hunched over against the base of the tree, sat on the floor in blood stained snow. Her eyes were closed and her breathing laboured as clouds of her breath appeared with no sense of rhythm. There was no sign of anyone else around them; Clarke surveyed her surroundings one last time before kneeling at Lexa’s side. The commander’s face was as pale as the snow. Clarke looked over her lifeless body, searching for signs of injury. It wasn’t long before her hand came across something that should definitely not have been there. The shaft of a broken arrow was protruding from Lexa’s chest, just below her right collarbone. It was bleeding slowly down her front and onto the snow, there was no exit wound. 

To Clarke’s relief, Lexa stirred and murmured in pain as she examined the wound closely. Continuing her examination, Clarke also found a deep gash on the commander’s head; almost identical to the one that was currently healing on the other side. Blood loss and the freezing cold must have caused Lexa to become unarousable as Clarke gently shook her shoulder in an attempt to wake her. After several minutes, Clarke had bound Lexa’s wounds the best she could with some scraps of fabric from her own coat. Lexa was beginning to stir, opening her eyes slowly. 

“Clarke?”, Lexa spoke at almost a whisper. Lifting her hand slightly, trying to search for Clarke as if she thought she might be hallucinating. Clarke grasped it tightly. 

“I’m here”, Clarke had forgotten about the potential trap she was springing until now. “What happened Lexa?”, her search for answers was fruitless however as Lexa had fallen unconscious again. Suddenly, Clarke realised she was crying. Her cheeks were freezing from the tears streaming down her face. The situation they were in was looking ever increasingly dire. The commander would die very soon unless Clarke did something. She had so many mixed emotions in that moment, anger and fear being the most prominent; anger at the person who had done this and anger at the commander for leaving her again. 

A faint noise behind her caused the hair on the back of Clarke’s neck to stand on end. They were not alone. She couldn’t bring herself to look around, Clarke did not want to reveal to whoever was watching that she knew they were there until she had some kind of plan. Another crack of a twig rang in her ears as she tried to hide her fear. Subtly, she drew her sword; its short length made it easier to pull out without causing too much movement in her cloak. With her other hand she held Lexa’s cheek, using her thumb to try and clear some blood from face. Making the most of the time she had before her attacker pounced, Clarke lent forward slowly placing a brief kiss on the commander’s forehead. If this was it for both of them then Clarke would go out fighting. With one last calming breath, Clarke stood. She turned slowly and faced her attacker. He was much closer than she had anticipated, she could hear his breathing. 

He stood still before her, why was he not attacking? The answer was simple, he was obviously going to win and judging by the smile on his face he was going to take his time. Clarke took this time to take in the appearance of her attacker. His Clothes were light and ragged; she could see his scarred skin through patches that were missing from his tunic. His face was tattooed and gaunt, his eyes were bloodshot. Clarke could make out his yellow teeth as his mouth curled into a snarl. How was he not frozen like Lexa? The only answer was one that came to Clarke like an epiphany; he was drugged just like she had been. The condition he was in made her think it had been years since he had not relied on the drug. Clarke couldn’t help but smile when she noticed he was also bleeding, a wound on his leg was bleeding profusely through a crude bandage. His abdomen was also exposed to the elements as a deep slice had cut through the cloth of his tunic and the skin beneath. Lexa must have got a few shots in after all. 

“Well what are you waiting for?”, Clarke was surprised her voice sounded so calm as the adrenaline was coursing through her veins.

“You speak like you are not afraid little girl, but the fear is all over your face”, the voice of the man was deep and surprisingly human. 

“I am not afraid of you”, she was lying of course. The pair stared at each other without saying another word. His smile grew bigger as he began moving towards her. He was walking slowly; Clarke spotted the sword in his hand for the first time. She stood her ground; there was no point in running. Planting her feet sturdily in the snow, she prepared herself for what was to come. 

As soon as he was in arms reach, Clarke struck first. She must have caught him off guard as she caught his face with her blade. She smiled to herself in that small victory before he struck her with the back of his hand, hard across the face. Clarke fell to her knees in the snow, using a hand to steady herself, she watched as blood dripped from a cut on her lip and a distinct metallic taste filled her mouth. A searing pain suddenly ripped through her body as Clarke found that she was now on her back starring up at the white sky; he must have kicked her in the chest. Had it not been for the adrenaline in her system she may not have found it possible to haul herself onto her side, Clarke spotted her sword. It was only a metre away as she stretched for it. Her attacker was stood still again watching her, he gave her enough time to stand and regain her composure. Even though she was seeing stars, Clarke managed to formulate a plan in her mind; it was definitely going to hurt. 

Clarke charged at him again, with a shout and her sword held up. Effortlessly, he grabbed her sword hand and squeezed causing her to drop her weapon and listen to the bones in her wrist crunch. To her surprise, he put his sword back in his belt and wrapped his hand around Clarke’s neck. Her air supply was immediately cut off and within seconds her vision was beginning to blur. This was it, soon she would be unconscious. Now was her chance.   
With her free hand she searched in her belt for Lexa’s knife, without hesitation she gripped the hilt and plunged the blade into the ear of her attacker. He dropped her to the ground instantly as she gasped for air. His lifeless body collapsed to the floor instantly. 

Clarke lay in the snow for a while longer, taking stock of the damage the fight had caused her. Her chest was tight but bearable. Her wrist was painful but she could move it. Her neck was stiff but she could still breathe. It was her face that hurt the most; Clarke suspected the blow had cracked her cheekbone. It has started to snow again, Clarke could see the flakes fall from the sky above her. 

As her ears were ringing from the attempted strangulation, Clarke did not hear someone dragging their body towards her through the snow. It wasn’t until she felt their hand on her arm she bolted upright ready to fight again. 

“Lexa!”, Clarke immediately supported the commander onto her back as the commander gripped onto her sleeve.   
“You were laying there in the snow, I thought you were dead”, Lexa managed a small smile. Clarke chuckled, trying to reassure the gravely injured commander. 

“You should know by now it a lot harder to kill me than that”, Clarke checked the bindings on Lexa’s wounds as she spoke, the bleeding seemed to have stopped for now. 

“I am always underestimating you, Sky girl”, Lexa gripped onto Clarke's shoulder pulling her down with the little strength she did have into a tight embrace. “Thank you for saving me”, Lexa did not let her go for a while. Clarke figured her body heat might help the commander regain a little strength. 

“Hey, it’s not that easy you know. I’m still mad at you for leaving me, yet again”, Clarke tried to be serious but she couldn’t help but smile as she spoke. This was not the mountain all over again. Reluctantly, Clarke released the commander. They needed a plan. “Lexa, what do we do now?”, Lexa closed her eyes and Clarke feared she had gone to sleep again. 

“If I were you, I would leave me and head for the village I told you about”, Clarke was about to protest when Lexa continued. “But I assume that’s not a proposal you will entertain”, Lexa opened one eye, searching for Clarkes response. 

“You would assume correctly”, Clarke had no intention of leaving Lexa here. “Here’s what we are going to do. I have left our stuff near here; you and I are going to walk back to the cave. Maybe if we make it we’ll stand a chance”, Clarke had made up her mind. Lexa was going to make it even if she had to carry her. 

“I quite like bossy Clarke”, Lexa smiled to herself as she spoke at a whisper. 

“Clearly you’re delusional”, Clarke stood with some difficulty. It took her a few minutes for her head to stop spinning. She removed Lexa’s knife from the dead man’s head, using the man’s clothes to clean the blood off the blade. Quickly she sated her own curiosity by searching the man’s neck for something she knew would be there. The bump on his neck was bigger and more obvious than hers. This whole situation just kept getting worse and worse, throwing up more questions than answers. 

Lexa was more awake now; Clarke took the opportunity to help her up. The other woman was heavier than she looked. As the pair staggered through the snow, using every tree for support, Clarke realised this was going to be more difficult than she thought.


End file.
